Real in Memphis - Issue#19

BJPW New Year's Series 2/1/00 by Martin Wickham
Well, I did say I'd review the second Honma/Yamakawa match didn't I? Look back to RIM #16 and my opinion of the first match, which was technically sound, but seemed to lack the hatred factor that a match involving light-tubes, beds of nails, chairs and tables should really have (in my view anyway). Just over 6 months later and the two are back at it again, Yamakawa has the Death Match title (via a Shadow WX reign, which was highlighted by a truly vile Honma juice-job in a successful October 1999 defence), and Honma has yet another chance to gain the title he has never held, despite many opportunities. It's Big Japan's first show of the new millennium, and Korakuen Hall is ready. Kojika's greetings are interrupted by Kintaro Kanemura, Gedo and Jado. A mic tussle ensues, then Yamakawa intervenes. The outsiders disappear, and the show gets under way properly.

Ryuji Ito/Fantastik vs Benkei/Masayoshi Motegi
Benkei looks so out of place here it's unreal. It may explain why he is kept out of the match in the clips. Fantastik does a "look ma, no hands!" tope over the top rope onto Motegi, and promptly disappears for the rest of the match. Ito is a skinny rookie who can kick a bit, and is promptly obliterated by Motegi for the duration. Motegi also auditions for the membership of the Japanese wing of 3 Count by battering Ito with a round spot thingy. Benkei comes in for the finish, with a Tiger Driver followed by a chokeslam on Ito. Decent for what it was, but pretty one-sided.

Tomoko Watanabe vs Kyoko Ichiki
Watanabe is in no humour for Ichiki and her attitude here, and shows her contempt with a bodyslam early on, and a German suplex that for all the world looked like a rag-doll getting thrown backwards. Ichiki gets a few near-falls off flash cradles but is in no real danger of toppling the larger Watanabe, who takes an easy win with a delayed Tiger Driver

MEN's Teioh/Jun Kasai vs Abdullah the Butcher/Crazy Sheik
Teioh comes out with a long mink coat and the Galaxy Express theme. Abby comes out with a fork. Only one winner here. The Japanese guys try to jump Sheik early, but Abby gets in and stabs Kasai repeatedly with the fork. Kasai responds to a stabbing by bumping a row of chairs to win the "ridiculous over-selling" contest. Abby attacks Teioh with a fork across the hand, allowing Teioh to win the "most obvious blading" contest as he cuts across the front of his hand. Twice. A bloody Kasai gets battered as Teioh trys in vain to save him, Sheik eventually pinning Kasai with a jumping elbow. Abby calls out Kojika afterwards, and I would consider putting my bollocks in a blender over watching that contest. Ironic that in a promotion that made its name with hardcore matches, the boss throws the weakest chairshots this side of Lance Storm at Barely Legal. 3 matches, 3 near squashes.

Takeshi Sato vs Daisuke Sekimoto
And this could be considered the fourth squash, 3 minutes clipped down to 30 odd seconds. Sato gets a headbutt in, Sekimoto decides to clobber him with a lariat, then applies a crab-hold with such torque that Sato's toes are touching the back of his head for the tap out.

Malsera vs Chihiro Nakano
This is joined with Malsera doing a Shinzaki rope-walk into a armdrag. We then see Nakano use a Shawn Capture hold. Malsera taps out. Big Japan are trying to set a record for fitting the most matches into a 90 minute timeslot. That skip outside their production offices most likely contains all the footage they cut.

Mike Samples vs Guerrero del Futuro
This is the first contest to be shown unclipped. It also lasted 20 seconds. Futuro trys to jump Samples at the bell, gets lariated and pinned. No wonder Mike decided not to wear the full shirt and tie for this match. Samples is also the losing finalist in an arm-wrestling contest after this, getting beaten by Mitsuhiro Matsunaga. For the record the arm-wrestling aired longer than possibly all of the last three matches.

BJPW Tag Titles
Kamikaze/Shunmue Matsuzaki vs Shadow WX/Winger
After all the clipping and squashes, it is refreshing to see a match shown in entirity, and it's a pretty solid match at that. Kamikaze and Matsuzaki are a pair of criminally underrated wrestlers even now, and in this match they show their talents, working well as a tag team and building the match around tag team wrestling and cutting out highflying from Winger and garbage from WX, and surprisingly, Winger and WX do alright despite the match not being based around their strong points. Winger is in the ring for most of the match, as Matsuzaki and Kamikaze isolate the smaller man of their opponents and work him over big-time. WX comes in brief flurries only, and some would say that is a blessing. They tease a KO finish as Winger is dropped on his head after a backdrop driver, but keeps going as best he can, and he even gets his 'not as awesome as Togo' diving senton finish in on Kamimaze, but Kami is able to get up afterwards, roll through a Winger 'rana, and rebound with a lariat to get the win and retain the tag belts for his team. The moral of this tale? Basic and effective teamwork can beat individual strengths. A good match to boot as well.

BJPW Death Match Title - Spike Nail & Barbed Wire Boards Death Match
Ryuji Yamakawa vs Tomoaki Honma
A rematch 6 months in the making, and Yamakawa is able to add some levity to proceedings as he fires a cap gun at some bloke kidnapping a female, then proceeds to carry the woman down the steps to ringside with him. Someone was able to say they got rescued by a cross between John Wayne and burger-era Elvis with no front teeth that night. Whether they wanted to was another matter. The gimmicks have been cut down on in comparison to June, with barbed wire boards up and around ringside, and the nasty looking bed of nail spikes that was so pivotal in deciding the winner first time around.

We start off with the mat wrestling under the backdrop of barbed wire that makes the deathmatches between these two so cool, as they fight to try and get their opponent into the wire first in the opening exchanges. Honma manages it, as he escapes hitting the board himself by running up the board and backflipping away (So. Many. Tildes.), before throwing Yamakawa to the wire. They then go walkies for about 5 minutes. Chairs get knocked over, people get rushed out of the way, and Yamakawa and Honma give each other a guided tour of Korakuen, occasionally slamming each others heads into walls as they go. The end result is Honma bleeding, and getting destroyed by a Liger Bomb and vertical suplex on a hard floor platform. Back in the ring, Honma shows he has learnt from the first match as he puts Yamakawa through the barbed wire board with a Samoan drop. This is pretty much a staple of the match, as Honma is in control for the larger part, with Yamakawa taking most of the big bumps and shedding the blood after being introduced to the nails via his forehead. Despite Honma's dominance, he is still struggling to put Yamakawa away, and wondering why he keeps kicking out of his pinfall attempts. When Yamakawa is able to get back on the offence, he hits big, with a hurricanrana onto a board, followed by a Liger Bomb onto the same board. When this only gets a two count for Yamakawa, Honma gets back on top with a step enziguiri, and proceeds to kill Yamakawa with everything he has in his quest to win the Death Match Title. A brutal top-rope rana through a barbed wire board close to the nails pre-empts what is to come. As in June, the bed of nails holds the key to victory for whoever can introduce their opponent to them first. Honma remembers his sharp landing in the first match, and so when Yamakawa attempts to powerbomb him off the apron onto a barbed wire board that has been placed above the nails, he drops off the apron to the floor, and hooks Yamakawa for a powerbomb whilst he is still stood on the apron. Through the board, onto the nails. Yamakawa is toast, and the crowd know it. Dragging him back into the ring, Yamakawa isn't totally dead yet, as he kicks out of a forearm smash and attempts to exchange with Honma. But it's too much, as the damage from previous attacks piles up, Honma drills Yamakawa with another forearm, and gets the pin and the title.

A hell of match then, much like the first one. Honma had grown with experience, and it proved essential to him winning the belt, as he combined the barbed wire, chairs and nails with a wrestling based battering that took Yamakawa out once and for all. The two shook hands afterwards, as Yamakawa presented Honma with the title belt. There was still no hatred in the feud (as evidenced by the two forming a tag team to take the belts from Matsuzaki and Kamikaze afterwards), but then the violence was toned back compared to the first match, and became much more about Honma's quest to win the Death Match title for the first time. In comparison to the first contest, there is less "holy shit!" violence, but a stronger wrestling contest makes up for it. If you get the chance, get both Honma/Yamakawa matches. As it stands, they could be considered the last truly great deathmatches. And they may not be toppled from that perch for quite some time.

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WCW Worldwide on Channel 5 - The great, the good, the bad, and the really shit... - FADDA

“BAM! CRASH! KAPOW!”

Channel 5 Worldwide was a mix of Nitro, Thunder, Saturday Night and actual Worldwide matches, held together by Scott Hudson (trying to make a sense of the booking mess) and Larry Z (a great mix of arrogance, golf stories, and Chinese proverbs). When it's bad, it's really bad, but there's enough cool-as-fuck hidden gems to be found which make it all worth it. As the promotion fell apart in an almost comedic fashion, the only saving grace was that they were still a lot of great wrestlers on the roster who could go out there on TV and have a great little match if given the chance. Added to that was the knowledge that none of the higher-ups were actually watching these shows, so they could sneak beneath the Russo and Nash radars and perform.

Perry Saturn vs. Rey Mysterio Jnr. - Rey comes out without the mask and I'm reminded how much he looked like a 12 year old. This turns out to be a groovy little cat-and-mouse match, with Rey using his flash moves cleverly to get the best of the larger Saturn, and Perry finally catching Rey and killing him with cool suplexes and painful submissions. Perry was a prototype for a really good modern wrestler, combining all the new-age hybrid funkiness with a mean old vicious streak. It never really panned out for him the way that it could have, but he had a fair bit of good stuff during his days in WCW.

Prince Iaukea vs. Berlyn - Alex Wright doing the real deal Euroboy gimmick with the gay dancing and 'Achtung Achtung' getting mucho heel heat = great. Alex Wright with mohican = not so great. Iaukea is a man I could never care about, and this is a short, nothing match.

Rick Steiner + Lex Luger vs. Buff Bagwell + La Parka - A lot of times watching this tape you think 'Oh yeah, I kinda remember that angle'. Nerdy recollections of minor angles on The Pro from 1990 but all this WCW from 99/00 is a bit of a blur, but it's no surprise really given the chaos. Bagwell and Parka teaming up sorta brings back something about a REALLY FUCKING STUPID Russo angle where Bagwell was saying on TV that he wouldn't 'job' or 'put anyone over' anymore...or something. Anyway, I'm sure La Parka was involved somehow standing in Russo's ofice which led to this team....oh fuck it. They're wrestling Luger and Steiner. Lexy was as bad as he's ever been, and Rick was shit except for moderate perverse entertainment watching him hurt Lash Leroux and those kinda guys. Parka does his best but there's a ton of shite in there to overcome, Bagwell ends up turning on La Parka, and I'm none the wiser.

Dave Taylor + Lord Steven Regal vs. Erik Watts + Hacksaw Jim Duggan - Finally some REGAL! Despite being out of shape and going through major substance abuse problems, he still knew how to get it done in the ring as only he could. I like Dave Taylor, but the more you watch of him, the more you realise that he is way behind Regal and Finlay’s level, but he can still bring the matwork and vicious uppercuts, so it’s all good. When Hacksaw's in there's a lot of USA! chants and comedy facials and selling from The Brits. When Watts is in, there's some nasty holds and the funky stuff we love. Luckily Hijo del Bill is assigned the face-in-peril role, Duggan cleans house, and it's a fun little match.

Meng vs. Konnan - I don't remember much, except K-Dog doing one of his gay pointless slow-motion forward roll into a clothesline and Meng catching him with the Tongan Death Grip.

Curt Hennig vs. Ric Flair - better than I thought it would be, but I can't say I had high expectations for them in '98. Neat little match, very basic, Perfecto doesn't take the bumps like he once did, Flair sticks mainly to the chops and the Figure 4 set up, and the match never overstays it's welcome. I’d be lying if I said this was anywhere near as good as their match on Monday Night RAW, but it was passable.

Berlyn vs. Jerry Flynn - Flynn - yay. Lynn - Boo. They're both heels. Karate kicks. German heeling. The End.

Sid Vicious vs. Chris Benoit - Benoit's greatness comes from the intensity which not only allows him to have the great wrestling matches with Eddy et al, but also allows him to go toe-to-toe with big stiffs like Reese and Barbarian and give it asskicking credibility. As far as Sid matches that aren't squashes go, this is way up there, with Benny getting all brutal on Sid, giving Sid enough to get his power moves in and make it look good. Ends in an nWo run-in, but didn't everything back then?

EL DANDY & SILVER KING V SCOTT & STEVE ARMSTRONG - FUCK YEAH!!! This is the kind of hidden gem I was talking about. All these guys are fucking great, and this rules, more so because it's the kind of match that could only happen on a WCW syndie show. Dandy and King are such great rudos, playing it up to the max on this C-show. The insincere 'you can trust me, honest' handshake, falling into a babyface trap and being made stupid, eating up the Armstrongs' basic but charming Southern double-team manouveurs, and getting out of the ring all upset and threatening to go home. All the little effective tricks than can get a guy over. Dandy finally changes his mind and gets back in the ring, taking charge by KOing both Armstrongs with the awesome punch/slap thing he does. Lots of cool heel tag control stuff from the luchadors, Armstrong comebacks, Dandy's a victim of his own cockiness and Bullet Bob's army wins. Just a really well-worked tag match with an added super-coolness factor.

Harlem Heat vs. The Filthy Animals - On one side you've got Stevie Ray. On the other Konan and Kidman. Fuck off.

Bret ‘Hitman’ Hart vs. Goldberg - From Nitro, the story of the match is Bret's previously injured angle as he comes limping to the ring. Hart could work great with guys like Goldberg, and it's a very smart match, great selling and clever comebacks when he gets an opening, trying to avoid power-move death at the hands of Goldie. Guess how this match ends...

Booker T vs. Kaz Hayashi - Fun match. Booker was so much better back then, Kaz is only nominally above jobber status (but not really). That translates into holding his own with the matwork, getting a few stiff kicks in, and doing the token 'jobber but makes an impression' nutty dive to the outside. After that point, it's all academic.

Filthy Animals vs. Berlyn & Curly Bill - Wow. Bizzaro heel team pairings that only WCW can do. The (dull) story of the match is that Alex doesn't want to tag in Virgil (which is never explained). Finally he does, and Virgil throws really shitty punches for a guy who found fame with an ex-boxer gimmick. The Wall hits Vincent and the Germans abandon Soul Train Jones to lose the match. Yeah, listing old Mike Jones gimmicks was probably better than the match.

Buff Bagwell vs. La Parka - the blow-off to the earlier angle that you'd been dying to see. Buff is well past his pre-injury ultra-cocky heel phase that rocked, so he goes through the motions and hits a Buff Blockbuster to resolve this important issue.

LORD STEVEN REGAL & DAVE TAYLOR VS. VILLANOS IV & V - Another FUCK YEAH! Yep, it's one of those bizzaro hidden gems that could only happen in the WCW alternate universe where any match is technically possible. Konan v Dirty Dick Slater! Jushin Liger v Steve Doll! Bobby Eaton v Ciclope! Regal starts off with IV and the British and Mexican matwork comes together in a beautiful union that makes you love these shows. Larry Z asks for the whereabouts of Villanos I, II & III. The 'expert' Scott Hudson informs Larry that Villano III passed away. Larry Z makes a joke that would be tasteless if III had actually died. Taylor tosses out when of the Villanos to ringside, and FIT FINLAY is waiting there for him, as he dishes out the pain like only he can. Finally Villanos get a few cool double-teams in, before the Brits finish it off. About as cool as a sub-5 minute match could be.

Evan Karagias vs. Madusa - This is a tournament match for the World Heavyweight title. Ah, that Russo. Madusa's in the funbags leathery old stripper phase. I'm torn on whether she's a MILF or not, but while I'm pondering this dilemma, they do some silly stuff in the ring and it's over. Madusa advances (BTW - she had already lost in the round before...). Toni Adams, Sunny, Woman, Dirty White Girl, Sensational Sherri, Missy Hyatt, Dark Journey…they would all be on the list before Madusa.

Dean Malenko vs. Chris Benoit - YES! This a cage match, also from the tournament. Damn, it goes less than 5 minutes, but they manage to cram a lot of beating in there. For all his technical excellence, I forget what a heel asskicking brawler Deano could be when he wanted to be. Benoit hits the headbutt from the top of the cage, but The Revolution run-in and there's all sorts of...stuff.

Juventud Guerrera vs. Psychosis - Ooh, his could have been good. That is, if Juvi and Psic hadn't coasted through this match by virtue of it being on the show no one watched, and then ended up blowing some stuff in an ugly fashion. Larry Z tries to cover by claiming that the ugliness is a result of them 'both struggling for offense'. Plausible Larry kayfabe explanations amuse me. Let me take a wild guess that Juvi and Psic were indulging in some herbal delights backstage, and while munching on the American equivalent of whatever munchies they have, they decided to go over the match. After going over a few highspots they thought “fuck it, it’s only Worldwide”. Then they proceeded to forget about everything else they had discussed and went back to the locker room afterwards and exchanged Larry Z jokes.

West Texas Rednecks vs. B.A + Swoll - It doesn't look great on paper, but put this through the NWA filter and it's actually Kendall and Barry Windham against Brad Armstrong and....er, Swoll. Who the fuck is Swoll? I kinda remember him and some other guys called 4x4 and Chase, but I have no idea who they were and what they went on to do after this angle ended, but I do remember they were all shite.

Bischoff: "Hello, is this the Power Plant? I need three black guys for TV immediately"

Buddy Lee Parker: "They're not ready yet, they've just been doing Hindu squats for 5 weeks".

Bischoff: "I don't care, I can't disappoint my celebrity rapping buddy"

Kendall's beefed up from his previously anorexic state, Bazza may be past his prime but he could still bring the surly veteran heel asskicking, and Brad is Mr. Reliable, always perfectly capable in the role he played. This leaves Swoll, who sucks, but not enough to stop this from being a fun, old-style tag. Swoll is taking a shitkicking most of the time anyway, so he's not in a position to blow stuff, and when he is back on offense it's basic (but reckless) clotheslines. I dug this match.

Billy Kidman vs. Eddie Guerrero – Oh how I’ve missed surly rudo Eddie. The music, the cockiness, and the look of disgust. Kidman’s a guy I’ve always hated, and while the matches with Juvi may have been raved out, I can assume that a certain Mexican carried the load for that series, and to be honest I can barely remember any of those matches anyway. Regardless of who he’s in there with, Eddie at the height of his heelishness is a joy to watch, and he guides the bland young Kidman to a very entertaining match.

The Triad vs. Harlem Heat – Kanyon was fun. Bam Bam could still go. Booker T was not bad at all. But this match was just there.

Sid Vicious + Rick Steiner vs. Sting + Goldberg – The crowd are desperate to see Goldberg, so Sting ends up wrestling 95 % of the match. They’re almost indifferent to Sting at this point, and seem to get pissed off when he has the chance to tag and decides not to, thereby prolonging the Goldberg destruction job they’ve been waiting to see. But they hang in there, because they know it’s going to happen. Stupid people, this is WCW baby, the main event picture is highly unlikely to ever make sense, and you should always prepare yourself to be disappointed. The whole story of the match is building, constantly building to the Sting hot tag to Goldberg, and it never comes. Hogan wanders down to the ring at the end as a babyface and gets powerbombed through the table. I don’t remember the circumstances either.

Macho Man Randy Savage vs. Evan Karagias – Savage’s mid-life crisis makes Stan Lane’s look timid. The shiny Ibiza shirt, the bad hair extensions, and now he’s moved on to a career as a rapper. Evan Karagias has the tiny, tiny pants, the hard body, and the boy band hair that would make Antonio Pena cream himself. Which begs the question, now that Hector Garza has moved on to EMLL, why hasn’t Pena hired Karagias to feud with Latin Lover and Zorro in AAA? This match has the whole creepy PAP homoerotic context going on, as the ageing clubber who can’t let go tries to overcome the new breed of muscleboy. Evan had so much potential to be a hateable, smarmy cock a la Tarzan Boy, but he was sadly lacking in talent, as evidenced in this match in which the most he shows us is his crappy punches. Macho becomes the first man to wrestle a full match wearing his shades since Mr. Hughes, and I really wish Randy was wrestling Curtis rather than this guy. Eventually Miss Madness Mona comes down to ringside and Macho beats up the referee as I struggle to recall where this storyline was going.

West Texas Rednecks vs. The Revolution – Barry Windham and Bobby Duncum Jr v Dean Malenko and….Shane Douglas. Ah fuck. Shane’s bloated presence does allow Larry Z to get in another fin Zybsyskoism, as Hudson says that Shane’s motto is “Out with the evolution, in with the Revolution”. “What does that mean, he wants to kill all chimpanzees?” replies the Living Legend. He played golf whenever he wanted to, he came in one afternoon a week and recorded a load of syndie shows where he could say anything he wanted, and he got paid a hug amount for doing so. Our Larry really did live a life of leisure, and he had it so easy for a number of years apart from the times when he had Verne and Greg over for dinner. 100,000 people in Shea Stadium motherfuckers. This match is rather good when Shane’s not in, as Duncum was a perfectly fine standard Texas heavyweight, and Bazza still had great punches and an eye for working as the older, grumpy veteran. Deano once again brings the intensity and more than carries the load for his team, and despite it not being the most memorable of matches, it’s the kind of match that you wish was still around.

Vampiro vs Rey Mysterio Jnr. – Rey tries his best to makes this match with the awkward Vampiro work, which is tough considering nearly every Vampiro match is a style clash, regardless of who he is working with. There’s always Mexico where little monkeys can be killed. It’s not going too badly until Rey overshoots Vampiro on a moonsault bodyblock, and Vampiro barley catches him and dumps him right on his neck in real ugly fashion. From that point on, it’s all rather meh.

Kevin Nash + Sid Vicious + Rick Steiner vs. Sting + Goldberg + Hulk Hogan – The first thing I think of when I see this line-up is the combined salaries of all these guys. This six-man match alone would be enough to bankrupt the company. Add to that the other 50 main-eventers getting similar money, the 100 or so mid-carders getting silly money on their guaranteed contracts, and the 50 or so wrestlers who were being paid to sit at home. Add to that what management was getting, in addition to the frequent celebrity payoffs, and it all makes me very sad. On that fateful night I first caught the NWA on late-night TV, Sid was there, as were the Steiners and Sting. Compared to the WWF it was the promotion that was more real, more intimate, and grittier. We knew it wasn’t number one but we didn’t care. Why did it all have to end up like this?

Lord Steven Regal + Dave Taylor + Chris Adams vs. Bobby Blaze + Adrian Byrd + Dave Burkhead – Look at that line-up. On one side you’ve got the hard-as-fuck Brits ready to dish out some pain, and on the other side you’ve got three completely generic, green jacked-up jobbers whose lack of height meant they had to be kept separate from the Power Plant DNA pool that produced the likes of Jindrak and O’Haire. The star pupils are pushed straight away on Nitro, and the bad seeds are fed to the lions on Worldwide –Neo-wrestling Darwinism, survival of the blandest. This match is beautiful in it’s ugliness. This match should be a simple tale of some old-school grapplers putting a hurting on some nobodies, the brutal initiations that are a part of wrestling folklore. And it doesn’t disappoint in that sense, but there’s another dynamic at play here. One of these Brits is not like the others, one of these Brits doesn’t belong. Why ofcourse, it’s the Gentleman from quaint old Stratford-upon-Avon, Chris Adams.

Regal and Taylor stuck to their World of Sport roots and became representatives abroad of the British style, ambassadors for the no-frills, carney, hard man technical proficiency. Adams took a completely different route, abandoning his home’s style for that of his adopted homeland. Not that he was bad at all, because he adapted very well and became a superstar in World Class. I remember watching those USWA commercial tapes for the first time. At a time when it was assumed that the British Bulldog was the only Englishman wrestling in the US, here was this other guy who was a real curiosity. Coming down the long, narrow Sportatorium aisle to the sounds of Tom Petty’s ‘I Won’t Back Down’, accompanied by a stunning blonde with huge tits and wearing a tight bodysuit, as the rats lining the aisles tried to touch him as they waved tatty Union Jacks in the heart of Texas. And both he and his big-titted wife would take part in wild brawls with his former student and his ex-wife, and it was real Texas fighting and vicious catfights, and it fucking rocked because it was exactly what you imagined redneck wrestling would be like. Blood, hatred, and domestic disputes. Certainly not the type of wrestling Kent Walton would have approved of. “Barbaric, all-in wrestling” he would have thought.

I remember reading an interview with Regal, in which he disapproved of Chris Adams being booked alongside him, Squire Dave and Fit Finlay. They came from two different schools and shouldn’t be lumped together just because they were from the same side of the Atlantic. Which brings to mind a singles match between Steve Regal and Chris Adams, buried away on an episode of Saturday night back in ’97. It’s great because Regal’s the TV champ and Adams is little more than a glorified jobber, but you can sense the tension there and the way it plays out. Adams wants to wrestle the way he always does, Texas style and Texas psychology, but Regal’s having none of it. Every time Adams wants to go with his Americanised extravagances, Regal forces him to remember where he came from. Adams takes up the challenge and suddenly it’s like he never went to the Sportatorium and they’re back in the Walsall Halls on a Wednesday night. Adams goes to the mat and brings the stiffness because his pride and his roots have been challenged, and it turns out being a really great, little match with the added human story, perceived or otherwise. The work reflecting and complementing the reality.

So back to this six-man match. Regal starts with Burkhead, a short, bald, roided nobody. Regal takes this green lad whose been given expert tuition by such luminaries as Buddy Lee Parker and Pistol Pez, and he guides him through some basic holds and matwork. When I say guides, it’s not as if Burkhead had much choice in the matter. Formalities over, and here comes the fuggin’ pain. If the jobber’s not eating forearms and uppercuts in the ring, he’s getting pummelled with the flag outside the ring as the referee’s distracted. Burkhead’s pushed into his corner and told to make the tag, bringing in Bobby Blaze, who hits Memphis jobber token offense i.e. he gets the best of a sunset flip. After that it’s more of the same, before Adrian Byrd comes in to receive his snake-pit experience. Welcome to Wigan, Byrd Man. He gets the roughest treatment, and even Adams is inspired by his peers to lay it in just that little bit more. Dave Taylor ironically wrestled as more of an American in the UK before coming to WCW, as whenever you catch him on Reslo he’s all tassels and bodyslams. This is a really extended squash, with the Brits dragging it out despite it being totally one-sided. This could go on as long as it wants and I wouldn’t get bored.

Predictably the winners of this match are….Sid Vicious. Yep, it’s WCW. Sid comes down to the ring to continue that streak of his, the Brits leave, Sid chokeslams the jobbers and pins them, and the referee counts the pin for fuck’s sake. Even the gold hidden away on Worldwide that you assumed was immune from the stupidity is tainted by the shit from high above. Nevermind.

Psychosis vs. Chris Benoit – Another exercise in versatility for Mr. Benoit. Just as before when he was perfectly credible going toe to toe with the hosses, here he can settle right back into working with a cruiserweight. He’s got an edge over the cruiserweights, not just in terms of size but that extra intensity and ‘oomph’ that he can add to everything he does, whether it’s beating the crap out of Meng or exchanging armdrags and holds on the mat with Psicosis as he shows here. Similar to the way Dynamite Kid had that hooligan, thug streak in him which amplified every hold or move he did coating it with viciousness; the student has learnt well from the master. Not that Psicosis is a slouch when it comes to delivering in the ring, and he’s been in enough dirty Tijuana wars to know how to bring the fight. Benoit punishes and Psic switches momentum his way with the classic cheating and intense brawling of his own. In the end, it turns out being a clinical destruction job from Benoit, as he KOs him with the dragon suplex and finishes him off with the diving headbutt. You know, I see Benoit in the WWF know and the difference between him and what he was like in WCW is massive. He came into WCW as a great wrestler but still a bit Dynamite Kid-lite, then The Horsemen and the brutal feud with The Debbil (again – work reflecting reality) made him into that total package. It’s a cliché, but he did become a wrestling machine. Now it’s a lot of chops and german suplexes and it’s not the same.

Silver King vs. Rey Mysterio Jnr. – the hits just keep on coming. Of all the luchadors who came to WCW, Silver King may have been the most naturally gifted. Maybe it was the lack of a cool mask or his tubby frame which consigned him to the B-team of luchadors rather than the privileged few who actually got to become stars, but he still rocked with the best of them. The way he moved in the ring and the mighty, mighty natural rudo instincts that come from being a career baddie and having a few doctors in the family. Here I was thinking this would be a one-sided match given Silver King’s place in the hierarchy, but it’s WCW baby, where two guys can just go out there and have a good, long match on TV. King is great to start with, enhancing everything Rey does by taking great bumps, stooging like Fuerza and doing facial expressions that would make John Tatum smile. When he takes control it’s awesome because he puts on a real asskicking clinic. On another day, on another show, his role may have been dishing out a few minutes of token offense before going to the finish. Here he takes control of the whole match and dictates everything, laying in all the chops and kicks, hitting Rey with a load of stuff, and all the time bringing the rudoism. It’s great, but I can only imagine how much better it would be if it took place in Arena Mexico with a crowd who really bought into the wrestlers rather than seeing them as an attraction (or distraction), hot strippers holding up cards, the old boys at ringside, the crazy pensioner ringing the bell whenever the rudo got a fall. Back on Worldwide, the match builds up so well that I’m questioning the once predictable outcome. There’s a lot of times when you think it’s over but it isn’t, and not in the gay indy million false finishes way; this is all believable. Finally, Silver King does succumb but while Rey was good in this, King was the real star.

Insane Clown posse vs. Public Enemy – Nearly everything would have fared unfavourably compared to the last run of matches, so I suppose it’s for the best that this match is really, really shit rather than something decent which would have seemed relatively poor. Was it only 4 years prior to this match when Paul E had the smarks believing that Public Enemy actually had some talent, let alone being thought of as the best team in the world. How little things change. I’d forgotten PE had come crawling back to WCW after getting kicked out of the WWF during their cup of coffee there. Johnny Grunge must have really taken advantage of catering, because he’s bringing the fat and then some, and not in the good FAT way, but just in a slow-moving, blown-up after a minute slob way. Rocco isn’t looking much better, and they’re facing some talentless backyarders who have no clue, so this is one huge, ugly-looking clusterfuck. As with many of these crap Worldwide matches, the saving grace is Larry Z and his pearls of wisdom. He obviously thinks this match is shit, and he’s not afraid to say so and bury everyone involved. Some extra-special bile is saved for the clowns, as he makes fun of their look, laughs at their fans and mocks their music. He’s totally right ofcourse. “Now I may be old school Hudson, but is this really what wrestling has evolved into?” Indeed Larry, indeed.

Hulk Hogan vs. Sid Vicious – A lot of wrestlers decide to watch this match. Sable turns to Madusa and says “isn’t that Hogan leathery?”. Backstage, Virgil and Evan Karagias chuckle at Hogan’s crappy punches. Somewhere in Lithuania, Nikolai Volkoff takes a break from singing the Russian national anthem to comment on how weak Hogan’s stomps look. Over in Kona, Hawaii, Crush watches the TV which is next to his gun cabinet and thinks “Sid’s nerveholds are really dull”. Jerry Lynn wonders what backstage agent would lay out such a boring match. Lex Luger giggles at Sid’s bumps. Steve McMichael points out really basic flaws in the psychology. The match ends.

And so comes the end of this particular journey. There were a few other matches which I won’t really go into; a fun Juvi v Norman Smiley match which made me wish I’d paid more attention to Norman back then because he had the combination of funky matwork, kooky humour and eccentricity that love. A Hogan v Sting Nitro match that was surprisingly very good, because both men seemed really fired up and made a contest of it, a good all-action affair from the oldies. The WCW watching came to a fitting end with the conclusion to the fascinating Scotty Riggs (carries a mirror, AAA Narcissist gimmick) versus Scott Putski (short, roided, crap) feud. No, I don’t remember this feud either, but apparently it did happen in the alternate WCW C-show universe, and Antonio Pena would have loved it.

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WWE TV, mid-2003. by Terje Rindal

OK, I started some reviews God knows when, and SHOCK! HORROR!, I never finished them. I had planned to review the entire three tape set I got off that Lenny & Carl guy, but got bored before even finishing tape one. Ah, well. Typical, eh? RIM143 + Big Show my ass.

ANYWAYS, here’s what I actually did write. Spot the outdated references~

Noble has the best job ever. Wrestling for a big company, and getting to make out with Nidia. Hey, works for me. The good thing about being Tajiri is that the fans actually reacts to him, no matter what Vince Russo might have claimed in the past. The bad thing is that McMahon still don’t give a fuck. Some things never change I guess. The match is your normal WWE television bout, only better. It goes around six minutes, and features some nice back-and-forth action, with it never being obvious who’s going to pick up the victory. Which is a good thing. They also do some of them reversals and cradles for two counts, but as opposed to that blond fuck who ruined indy (and possibly mainstream in the longer run) wrestling forever, they don’t overdo them. And thus it looks good. Fuck you Jerry. Also, shouldn’t Tajiri be given a No DQ match once, so that the Tarantula can actually win him a match? Seeing as it’s so over and stuff. Ah well. Great finish too, to round up a very good match.

Fucking sweet. Benoit should have the biggest ego on the planet, yet he agrees to do stuff like this. What a professional. As I write this, our Crown Princess just gave birth to a baby girl. No name yet though, but by the time I’m through writing this piece, I will have coverage of her baptism, first date, and possibly wedding. I guess congrats are in order. Anyway, Benoit. Here he let’s Haas dominate him for the majority of the match, and selling it like a God. I’m sorry, there’s no one better. Benoit rules it. Going for the German with the injured hand, but never forgetting the body of the match. Simple, yet so genius. Haas has got so much potential in him, seeing as his facials are already miles better than Kurt Angle. The look on his face in the opening minutes when Benoit out-wrestles him is great. And the no-ego guy gets a fluke victory. Against a rookie. HHH, watch and learn. Screw Jerry Lynn. Benoit rocks.

OK, so I’ve started to say ’WWE’, but I’m NOT going to write ’Rey Mysterio’. His name is Rey Misterio Jr damn it. The match itself is like Summer Slam, only shorter. Some good back-and-forth wrestling, but not as smooth as these two can be. Whether or not that is a bad thing is individually I guess. As in the preceding match, the up-and-comer is protected with a lucky pinfall. Good match, but I prefer dorky Angle to pissed off Angle, as it isn’t as ‘fake’ looking. And it’s way more fun.

1. 1 piece of long blond hair
2. 220 pounds of steroid produced muscle
3. 6 feet of, umm...tallness
4. 1 stupid, but hip name
5. 1 piece of rock entrance music
6. 5 pieces of wrestling moves

Put everything in a blender on East Main Street in Stamford CT, mishmash for five minutes, give it a few months of proving to be a teamplayer before giving it a failed push. This my friends, is the future of wrestling. I love Vince and all, but sheesh. The match itself picks up when Benoit tags in, with the best thing being right at the bell, as he seeks revenge on Haas from the previous week by beating the shit out of him. The period when the heels works over Edge just drags and drags and draaaaaags (and drags). Decent enough stuff, but except for Benoit, not all that much to remember.

Very similar to the Beniot/Edge match, but better. Eddy & Chavo are on form here; Chavo in particular. Not really much to say about the match, other than it was a great by-the-book tag affair, with hot moves, near falls, saves, and a hot crowd to boot. Even some old Gringos Locos spots from the Guerreros. Thumbs up.

Great match. Not a patch on their PPV outings though, and it kinda sucks to see Benoit lose clean in 10 minutes, but meh. Post-match makes Benoit look like a bit of a sucker though, as Angle extends his hand, Benoit shake it and BAM!, here comes Haas & Benjamin from behind. Also, am I the one who doesn’t like the ’reversals-into-our-respective-finishers’ thing that these two does. Looks to exhibition-like. You know, like Jerry Lynn. Who sucks by the way, if you didn’t know.

Question: What’s the most embarrasing thing in wrestling?
Answer: Edge’s entrance.

I mean, what the f*** is that all about? Jumping up and down on one leg, occasionally pointing to the crowd, screaming something no one can hear. Ah, well. At least he wasn’t wearing that stupid nit cap. The match itself is good and stuff, but only when...you guessed it, Benoit is in. As in the tag match earlier, a big portion of the match is the heels working over Edge, and he simply hasn’t got the timing to be in that position. One of the comeback attempts are pretty decent though, but not enough to make me think any higher of him. Most memorable spot of the match is when Benjamin takes Benoit’s head off with a lariat. Great.

The good thing about these are that they’re all solid bouts. The bad thing is that they’re very similar, so it’s a bit pointless to review them all.

Poor Kidman. He’s a talented guy, and even kinda good looking (my ex told me, ok?), but nobody gives a shit. Why? Is he colourless? Terrible on the mic? Too small? Well yes, all three of them. So leave it to Rey to get the crowd pops, the heels to, erm, heel it up, and some hot moves here and there to make it watchable. I like Kidman, even if no one else does. At least he had them matches with Juvi back in the day. Juvi? Now there’s something to dream about....

Fuck Yeah~~!!
(c) L. Fiddis, 2003

This fucking rocked. Instead of Edge, you got Benoit selling his ass off. Instead of Team Angle, you got the Latino Cheats bringing the ultra sleazy heel tactics, right out of the Love Machine play book. Chavo is the new Rat Boy. Yoshinari what? Benoit, unlike Edge, sells great, and teases his comebacks at the exact right time. At one point, he outsmarts Chavo, but gets caught by Eddie in an awesome sequense. Would be worth plenty of tildes if Si didn’t ban that stuff. Some great exhanges from Eddy & Benoit. Benoit rocks. So does Eddy. Jerry Lynn does not. I like Rhyno a lot, but here he’s just a bystander amongst the three finest workers in the WEEEeeeee. And without Heyman and the GORE! GORE! GORE!, he loses a lot. This was turning out to be one of the best TV matches of the year actually, when at the 16 minute mark, for no apparent reason, Benjamin & Haas interfered, hitting guys with the belts, ending the match in a no-contest. My favourite part was the twisting in mid-air frog splash from Eddy, breaking up the Crossface, before geting caught in the Gore by Rhyno. Fucking great. If you haven’t seen this, do so. As Liam used to say; Fuck Yeah~~!!!

I like Matt Hardy. The gimmick is excellent, and he is over. The entrance is cool. Kendrick looks like he weighs about 130 pounds, and wouldn’t even be the biggest guy in your class. Oh well. At least the crowd pops for some spots of his. I love a good spotfest every now and then, and this was just that – a good spotfest. About five minutes long, with all four being on form with every imaginable move being hit, mostly without too much complication. Best thing was Matt’s Splash Mountain. The way he jumped at the end of it rocked. That Twist of Fate looked great as well. I like.

Solid bout between two of my favs from Vinceland. Michael Cole actually brings up a great point here, in that both wrestlers coming back from major neck surgeries, knowing how serious they can be, would either man attack the other person’s neck? Wonder if he actually thought up that one himself. As if. And Tazz does a great job during this match too. I’m starting to like him. Not much to say about the match itself really, other than it was a good hard-hitting TV bout. Worth seeing.

This is the final of the number one contender tournament, for a shot at Backlash. Cena calls Benoit all kinds of stuff, to great crowd pops. He says Benoit is a Dynamite rip-off and the crowd is silent. Which goes to show, doo-doo > Jack Brisco. Don’t you just love American wrestling fans? I speak the truth. I AM the truth. Bret was spot on. Don’t you just hate that? My mother’s American. Damn, I miss 1997. Back in 2003 for a minute, Benoit continue to prove that he’s the most unselfish person in the game, by making Cena look like he actually have a shot at winning. Which he does. In a believable manner none-the-less. Benoit is a genius. And Cena looks much bigger than he was a year ago. Coincidence? Yeah, right. Although we have no proof. Blah blah.

This was apparently coming off a ladder match on some PPV, and it’s for the ’Tag Team Championship’. Is it me, or does that sound like it has as much credibility as Gérard Houllier these days? Why not include the words ’World’ and ’Wrestling’ at least? Hey, if I had to fight the ’WWE Champion’ or the ’WWE World Heavyweight Wrestling Champion’, I know which one would scare me the most. Guerrero rules. Like Benoit, he’s a good seller, and knows when to do his comebacks very well. Tajiri continues to get good crowd pops, and all is well there. The match itself is very good, with Guerrero doing most of the selling, and Tajiri hitting all his usual spots. I really like the Team Angle guys too, although it’s obvious they still got a way to go. Finish is a riot, as Eddy nails the referee with a chair, then throws the chair to Haas, causing the ref to think he did it. And call for a DQ. Great wrestling, hot moves, lively crowd, near falls, drama. More of this please.

OK, I’m getting kinda hungry and stuff, so I’m going to let the Rimpsons handle this one.....

Bart Simpson: Wow, we’re back!

Comic Book Guy: FAT~

Homer Simpson: I like this match. Matt Hardy is a very good heel, and a good worker to boot. Benoit is of course Benoit.

Apu Nahasapeemapetilon: Of course he is. Who else would he be?

Snake: Oh, shut up Apu. Go fuck a lion or something.

I’m loving Matt’s entourage. Seems so ECW like, with the flunky having a flunky of his own. Lololololol.

Ralph Wiggum: Rey’s on commentary. He wears a mask!

Grounskeeper Willie: Now there’s your informative comment of the day.

Ralph: Wahoo!

Chief Wiggum: Matt is a good worker. I’ve really been digging him lately.

Ned Flanders: This is why I don’t watch the WWE; you got two great wrestlers, but it just has no passion. It’s like it’s taken right out of a Sex and the City episode. There’s no rasslin left.

Otto: Rasslin and Ramones. Those were the days. When Brody walked up to a blow up doll and said like, ’hey bitch’.

Comic Book Guy: Speaking of Sarah Jessica Parker, I think she is a Brazilian transexual.

Homer: With a bad smelling vagina to boot.

Krusty: On the subject of vaginas, I got some sweet ass black porn for you Homer.

Homer: Wooohoooo! Screw Jerry Lynn!

Apu: Are you saying you want to have an intercourse with Jerry Lynn?

Homer: How do you figure?

Apu: Well, ’screw’ is slang for intercourse. And ’screw Jerry Lynn’ translates to ’have sex with Jerry Lynn’.

Ralph: Can a mod put up an emotion that says ’not meant to be taken literally’ please? So that Apu won’t misinterpret everything Homer says?

Snake: Good idea.

Homer: Hey hey guys, back to the porn talk please.

Major Quimby: Yes, please. I wanna fuck India.

Homer: And Dominique.

Quimby: And Kim.

Homer: And Janet.

Quimby: And Kianna.

Homer: And Miko.

Quimby: And Anna.

Homer: And Kitty.

Principal Skinner: Benoit hits the German!

Wiggum: And there’s the Crossface!

Ralph: 619 around the post!!

Homer: Wrestling talk?! I am sooooo outta here.

Krusty: Come to Amsterdam Homer. We can fuck all the black chicks we want.

Homer: I hear that!

Quimby: I’m coming with you guys. Anyone look like India there?

EDDY! EDDY! EDDY!

Damn, is he over!?! Is he finally getting what he so truly deserves? Since I’m writing this after No Way Out, it certainly appears that way. Thank you Vince. The match itself is very good, with the early storyline being the heels taking out Tajiri’s legs, who does a good job selling it. After a few minutes, Eddy gets the tag, and hits all kinds of neat moves, including a top rope plancha. The finish is a riot this time as well, as Haas got Tajiri in the Haas of Pain (now there’s a cool looking move), and Eddy tricks him to release it by ringing the bell. With Haas being confused and the ref trying to figure out what happened, Eddy gives the title belt to Haas, and just lies down in the middle of the ring, causing the ref to call for the DQ. Cheat to Win~~! Fuck Yeah~!

Sometimes wrestling is so damn beautiful. Not because of any selling of a bodypart, flawless psychology or a black chick’s boobs. No, this was about the reason why we became fans in the first place.

The art of a storyline.

The ability to make us feel real emotion, in a setting as fake as they get.

Rey had been a multi-time cruiserweight champion before, but only ’elsewhere’. Never where it really matters, in the WWE. It’s in his home state. His wife and kids are at ringside. His long-time compadre slash rival Eddy Guerrero gives him a pre-match peptalk. He goes into the match with an injured groin. You know the old ’if you take a way this and this wrestlers legs, you’re taking away 95% of his offence? Well, that actually worked here. Rey couldn’t even stand up, yet his offence was totally believable. Now, that’s a worker. It doesn’t happen much, but I just love when good ol’ Smarky Smark can suspend his disbelief like this. When Shannon & Crash interfered, even I thought it was lost. This whole scenario was just one big tease.

But no.

Our hero manages to outsmart the cocky heel, and cradle him for the victory. 1-2-3. Big pop. His son runs into the ring to congratulate his hero. Daddy. The wife is crying at ringside. I have goosebumps all over. I wish more wrestling was like this. Beautiful.

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HUSTLE! HUSTLE! - A selection of downloaded matches from HUSTLE-5 20/9/04 by Martin Wickham
The HUSTLE series has been noticable to me purely through the posters, and Toshiaki Kawada proving he has somewhat of a sense of humour. So, when some good soul on DVDVR uploaded a few matches from their September show, I figured, why not have a butchers at them?

Firstly, some proof that the Mexican fly-ins were hitting the budget a little too hard.

HUSTLE Masks Blue and Red vs The Devil Pierrots
The common consensus is the masked guys here are Toryumon X guys, who will work anywhere for basic food and shelter now that Dragon Gate formed and Ultimo got drummed out. Juniors on the cheap equals card filler for big shows. This angle before the match is hilarious, as the bad clown, assisted by Yuji Shimada, kidnaps a high-pitched Japanese girl. She is brought down by the Pierrots, tied to a chair, but never fear, the Masks are here to save the day and get the girl! Brian Dixon would love the blue and red Power Ranger lookalikes.

The four can wrestle a bit too, and do some nifty fast-paced lucharesu in the opening exchanges. However, these guys are Toryumon X, and after a while things get a little confused due to lack of experience, Hustle Red horribly blows a 619, getting his legs tangled up, and the match breaks down into sloppiness a bit, with aimless punches between the spots. What I do like however, are the Devil Pierrots. With decent heel work, and some goofy as fuck mannerisms, they remind me a little bit of a certain wrestling salsa band ;-). But all that aside, the good guys have a girl to save, and they get the upperhand as Blue hits a bullet tope through the ropes, and Red a lovely Asai moonsault onto their respectively coloured Pierrots. Red gets the crowd gasping again with an inverted 450 splash, before Pierrot Blue hits the coolest, most fucked up move of the match by clamping Hustle Red in a top wristlock, and spiking him down on his head whilst holding the armlock. It's all in vain for the Monster Army reps however, as merely a minute later, The Masks are back on top when one Pierrot accidentally lariats the other, and Red downs his man with a running rana, and Blue defeats his with an Infra-Red for the double pin. The good guys win, the girl is saved, the crowd are warmed up well with a fun little opener, and it cost DSE peanuts. So everyone's happy. Though Pierrot Blue might not be too pleased to see every indy wrestler on the planet stealing his top wristlock neck cracker over the next 18 months.

Mark Coleman/Monster C vs Toshiaki Kawada/Hirotaka Yokoi
Monster C is Steve Corino, and the direct rival to 'Hustle K' Kawada. Coleman and Yokoi are the requisite shooters to go with them. Kawada and some AJPW guy go into comedian mode first, as Kawada sees the youngster stretching forward in such a way he is making a C shape. One boot to the back later and said AJPW youngster is sprawled out in a K shape. Heh, I found it amusing anyway.

The K vs C ideological clash then. At least the change in attire for Kawada (the Bruce Lee/Kill Bill garb) allows him to wear a kick-ass jacket to the ring. It also prevents people from being forced to study Corino's blade scars in detail. Coleman looks somewhat competant in the short time he is in ring, Corino has mimicked Kawada as part of the Monster C deal, and gets a crowd going "C!" everytime he lands a strike. Likewise, Kawada gets "K!" on his attacks. The constant "K! C! K! C!" makes me terrified of JoJo turning up on the ramp singing "All My Life" a capella as two great wrestlers gimmick around in front of him.

I could talk about some wider story about how Kawada knows he can obliterate his imposter, as is shown when the two exchange and Monster C ends up on his arse. Knowing this himself, C and Coleman try to keep Yokoi inside the ropes and break him down, while C taunts Kawada at every opportunity by trying to stare him out. But for fucks sake, this is HUSTLE we are talking about. Yokoi gets kicked in the balls, but is still trying to get a German suplex off when Yuji 'Japanese Joel Gertner' Shimada trips Yokoi, and C wins with feet on the ropes. Completely and utterly goofy, but hey, they look like they are enjoying themselves. Look for Steve Corino to be doing the Stretch Plum on a regular basis from now on.

Giant Silva vs Great Sasuke
The Monster Army are at it again, upsetting Sasuke by resurrecting one of Jinsei Shinzaki's gimmicks. Takada has dispatched Silva to deal with the wrestler turned politician, and the skits and interviews make me convinced about acid abuse amongst Japanese wrestling bookers. At least Sasuke is wearing the mask and suit combination though, whilst running onto a burial site no less. Yoji Anjoh is wearing a Magnum Tokyo mask for some reason, and speaking broken English for an even weirder reason. Takada is a cross between M Bison, Adolf Hitler, Arthur Daley and Paul McKenna, and has powers over Silva. I am starting to love HUSTLE.

Silva dominates as Sasuke spends the early moments sprinting around the ring, until he gets caught and beaten down. Sasuke's only offence involves missing an Asai moonsault as Silva moves before Sasuke has even springboarded, then hitting a running senton onto Silva on the outside after the Giant splashes a table when Sasuke moves. Then the lights go out. When they come back on, Hakushi is standing centre-ring, and Sasuke is toast, as he is dragged in, hit with a praying powerbomb by Hakushi, then a second rop splash by Silva for the pin. The things Jap indy promoters will do to keep their companies afloat...

So, my first experience of HUSTLE, and I quite enjoyed it, complete lunacy, daft gimmicks, with a bit of decent wrestling thrown in. I predict that in 30 years time there will be a message-board called RIH, and their views and attitudes will rile other members of the IRC. Some of their members will include a Norwegian black chick fan, a guy mixing vintage Smackdown with scotch and posting the results, and a bunch of guys talking about how the flippy merchants of today are of no comparison to the likes of AJ Styles and Teddy Hart. A sample post will be "That Triple H, now he WAS a fucking worker!"

I really should have stopped my clairvoyancy with Real in HUSTLE shoudn't I?

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'Reto' Lucha Libre (TWC - week beginning 25th October, 2004) by John Kilfoyle

Ok, so TWC finally got their act together and brought back some lucha. Unfortunately, only for a one-week deal, and with the 'Reto' (challenge) promotion, which nobody on the board knew. So, it was with an air of apprehension that I switched over to the wrestling channel II to watch my first wrestling in three months (!) and write a review for the RIM Elite.

Imagine my relief when I saw the dark, nasty arena in SoCal, with a battered ol' ring (which had what I can only assume was a hastily modified curtain around the apron), hookers on the door and rusty chairs for its gritty, knife-wielding fans. Nice and sleazy, just the way I like it; this is how wrestling's s'posed to be. Let's see if the wrestling matches (pardon the pun) up to the atmosphere, eh?

La Familia de Tijuana (Damian 666, Hallowe'en & Psicosis) vs Huracan Ramirez Jr., Tinieblas Jr. & Espectro Jr.
The ring-announcer evidently has a sore throat, because the rudos are left to make their own introductions, and the technicos don't even get one. I really like Mexico's Most Wanted, they're a cool heel tag-team. Psicosis is fun, too, channelling HBK with superkicks and 'suck it' signs. MMW also decide to take a leaf out of DX's book, and jaw with some cheap-ass ho in the crowd. Damian even gets a kiss off her when they win the first fall. Hallowe'en wanted in on the deal, so she quickly pulled over her slightly hotter friend, and you just know they got some after the show. Whereas in AAA or EMLL, you'll sometimes see a genuinely beautiful ring-girl, with a sad, resigned look in her eyes as she walks to the ring, and you can't help but think that she deserves a better life than sucking off wrestlers and dancing for dirty old men in the strip-clubs outside the arena, here they all look like dirty skanks. I guess when you're that far removed from the 'high-life', you give up even indulging in a little escapism and dreaming of a better life, and just accept what you've got and decide to enjoy it while you can.

Enough of philosophising about the socio-economic climate in Latin America - there's wrestling at hand! For all the cool work put in by the rudos, their opponents suck. Espectro Jr. is barefoot, presumably because he's so god-awful that this is his first gig in 6 months, and he can't afford shoes. Ramirez Jr. isn't so actively bad, but he's very bland. Useless trivia - his dad invented the huracanrana. Tinieblas is a curious enigma - he's very tall and lanky, but he refuses to accept it, and wrestles like his smaller, chunkier contemporaries, coming across as awkward and clumsy. The match was running along nicely for the first two falls, but it all descends into farce with stupid comedy spots: 6-man headlock (well, actually, 7-man, because the ref joined in...no, really), 'everyone knocked out' spot, etc. The lowest-point in an otherwise mediocre match.

Villano III, Brazo de Plata & Dos Caras vs Cobarde, Misterioso & Cadaver de Ultratumba
Our second match is jip'd at the end of the first fall, with Super Porky posing for his legions of fans, and winking at the camera. My heart fluttered. Ahem. The rudos take the first fall: Cadaver de whatever is awful; Cobarde is a decent enough grumpy old rudo captain; Misterioso - the one who lost his mask a few years ago, not the generic EMLL undercard guy - is pretty good, but he reminds me a little of Shocker, though, so he loses points. The technicos take over the match, and Porky splashes all three of his opponents...at once. The commentator is disgusted, and, frankly, so am I. What kind of message does that send out to kids? Encouragement to be fat, that's what.

Still, he rules for us thin people, dancing and bum-bashing the rudo ref. As I alluded to earlier, I don't like most comedy stuff in matches, but Porky does some genuinely funny matwork exchanges with Misterioso and butt-bumps to his face, and it's not cringingly kayfabe-breaking like most of that shtick. Dos Caras must be in his 50's now, but he gives us some very smooth mat-work himself, and the technicos take the second fall. The Porkster dances for our pleasure, but gets a bit over-excited and has to be reprimanded when he rubs Dos Caras the wrong way...literally. Caras is a nice guy, though, and fires him up by playing Burgess Meredith to Porky's Sly Stallone, making him punch his hands.

However, it all goes desperately wrong for the technicos as Brazo de Plata accidentally fouls Villano Tercero. Now, Villano is one of my favourite luchadores, and he's always played a heel, and his turn against his team-mates was great. Rudo, motherfuckers~! The match descends into a rudo beat-down, and it rules. The crowd are crazy hot, booing Villano III like el diablo himself, and I'm lapping it up. Good match; loads of fun.

Would you believe it, I watched some more wrestling today. Three months with none, then twice in a day. There's a comparison with waiting for a bus (or sex...) there. The short story is that I'm swapping rooms and, when it came to transferring my (pitifully small) wrestling collection, I noticed an old tape that was only half-watched, and decided to pop it in for a break from all the furniture-moving business. It turned out to be one of the few EMLL ppv's that they did a couple of years back, and the tape was paused at...

Los Infernales (Satanico, Mephisto & Averno) vs Negro Casas, Felino & Super Parka
Initially, I wasn't too fond of Satanico and his disciples and, first time round, I didn't think this match was all that great. Good, maybe even very good, but great? Nah. Boy, was I wrong. This match rules, and so do the Infernales. Whereas the Hermanos Dinamitos are the uncles that embarrass themselves at parties, and that you pretend you don't know when you see them on the street, Satanico is the uncle that you're scared of but that you know will beat the crap out of anyone giving you hassle. Then punch you, before realising you're the guy he's looking after. Mephisto/Averno are a bit bland, but when you're teaming with morthfuckingsatanicohimself every week, some of it's bound to rub off, and they work well as a team, rudoing it up and beating the crap of Negro Casas. Casas is great as a heel (although not in the upper echelons, where some people rate him), but as a technico he's a strange entity. He gets cheered, but I can't fathom why, because he's just, um, weird, and his smile creeps me out.

Saying that, he gets the snot beaten out of him by the rudo team (they're clever, y'see, and alternate between stomping on Casas, and keeping his team-mates away) well enough, and he took the beating like the honourable man that he is. The other technicos, unfortunately, aren't so great; Felino is a smooth wrestler, but that's all he's got, and Super Parka is a generic mid-card technico. Their comeback in the second fall is great, though, and the crowd is going crazy all the way through the third fall. I'm a total sucker for crowd-heat, and get caught up in the moment, hoping without hope that the Infernales can overcome the noble technicos and take the final caida. Thank fuck they did; I don't think I could have faced carrying more cd's without the inspiration of Satanico to comfort me through the day. Great match.

I think I'll watch the rest of it if I find time this week. Rejoice one and all, for the tide is turning in my battle against apathy!

************************************************
Drago Complilation Tape - Mid 1990's Japan by Martin Wickham
This tape brings back memories, purely because it is one of the first I bought, if not the first. 3 years on, and some 500 odd tapes and god knows how many hours spent watching pro wrestling from all corners of the globe, I came back to what started it all...

Ric Flair vs Hiroshi Hase (NJPW Wrestling Dontaku - 5/5/95)
In the midst of WCW becoming a retirement haven for Hogan's mates, this must have been like manna from heaven for Ric. He appears to be accompanied by his son Reid as well. Hase is attempting to outwrestle and outpower Flair here, as the early chop exchanges show. The result is Flair doing an understated version of what he does in the States, as he bumps and sells as much as he can, but without the histrionics and overreaction. The match becomes a figure-four battle, as Hase is the first to apply the hold, much to Fukuoka Dome's approval. Flair is the master of it though, and is therefore able to survive. Upon regaining his feet, he proceeds to destroy Hase's leg to set up the same hold. Hase's missus ain't too pleased about it either, as she watches in distress. Her fears are short lived though, as Hase is able to regain his feet and uses an enziguiri to down Flair, followed by a uranage.

This is all just a set-up for that Hase staple, and a guaranteed vote winner for any aspiring Japanese politician, the Giant Swing! The feeling of getting swung around repeatedly at speed shakes Ric badly, as he begs off like classic Flair while Hase gyrates and pumps his junk with all the dignity of a pissed uncle at a wedding. Hase goes on the attack, but his Northern Lights Suplex goes to shit when his bad knee gives out on the bridge. Realising he can't use it, he slugs it out, and wins, leading to the first Flair flop of the match, after 20 minutes! Hase smells blood, but his attack gets the better of him when a top-rope kneedrop misses badly, and Ric goes straight to the figure-four. Hase fights for two minutes or so as Flair hammers the knee with his fist whilst in the hold, but his turnover attempts are thwarted at every turn, and after the second turnover is reversed back by Ric, he submits after a brave effort. Much to the distress of Mrs Hase.

A well-worked match, if these two were meeting each other for the first time (and they could well have been for all I know), it didn't show up. A solid contest, that will never be raved about, but is well worth seeing if you get the chance. Vote Hase!

Ultimo Dragon vs Lionheart (Chris Jericho) (WAR 7/7/95)
Yep, its a rematch from that WAR tournament I reviewed a few months back. Ultimo is wearing disturbing attire, a half mask, with small tights he may well have passed onto Milano Collection AT, while Jericho uses Thunder Kiss '65 as music and shouts "C'MON BABY!!" a lot. So much so the commentators repeat it. Yep, it's as fast as fuck, and Jericho is in control early, until he misses a Silver King dive to the outside that had to be a bitch of a landing. Ultimo dives out to meet him, then take him inside the ring with a quebrada and fisherman's buster. Jericho is able to get back on offense, but is tripped by Ultimo as he goes for a Lionsault, leading to a la magistral near-fall. The match goes into the action packed near-fall mode from here, and Sumo Hall is rocking. The highlight has to be Ultimo counting a Tiger Driver to a 'rana with such speed I popped for it on my sofa. The counters to counters sequences continue, before Jericho hits a top-rope belly-to-belly but only gets 2. Ultimo goes for broke but misses a corkscrew press, allowing Jericho time to set up and execute a top-rope butterfly suplex that gets the win.

My gripe about the February match was a figure-four spot that went nowhere and was ignored immediately after it was released. No such problems here, as the two went all out in an action packed match that was enjoyable to watch. It was matches like these that made Jericho's name, and with performances like this, it's pretty easy to see why. And THANK CHRIST Ultimo didn't wear that garb too often!

Rob Van Dam vs Danny Kroffat (AJPW - 9/6/95)
Another junior title on the line here, and the holder Kroffat is the fucking man in this contest. He becomes the arrogant heel prick here, and provides the glue that holds things together, and allows RVD to hit his spots whenever he needs to. And thankfully, Van Dam holds his end. An early exchange sees RVD flip off Kroffat, and the commentator shouts "FUCKAHHH YOU!" before the karate exchange leads to a grudging handshake.

It doesn't last long though, as Kroffat gobs at RVD, who responds by kicking him in the head. Danny is working his bollocks off here, providing something for Van Dam to work with, and getting the Budokan crowd behind the relatively unknown gaijin. Van Dam helps it along as well by taking some hurty bumps, such as a gordbuster on the floor, and landing in such a way his mush came down first. Kroffat also starts using Rob's ponytail to assist him in stretches, just to raise the ire of the crowd some more. However, it also raises RVD's ire as well, as he dishes out some punishment of his own with a somersault plancha to the outside, as RVD's big spots are giving him the advantage over Kroffat's ground game. He also does a wicked version of the Barry Windham floatover suplex. Why didn't he do THAT some more? Oh yeah, and just to remind us all that he is "Rob...Van...Dam!", he busts up Danny's nose with a kick. Rob's luck runs out on missing a 450 splash, and Kroffat stops his attempts to block his moves by killing him with a lariat. This marks the beginning of the end, as a reverse suplex off the top does for RVD.

A match that got the crowd going for it, and showcased the greatness of Danny Kroffat. He got the crowd to hate him and love Rob Van Dam in the course of 15 minutes, and a match that initially looked like it could be hard going turned into a strong contest. The crowd seemingly spurred Van Dam, and he responded by delivering the goods here.

Exploding Barbed Wire Cage Time Bomb Death Match
Atsushi Onita vs Hayabusa (FMW 5/5/95)
Sometimes the cult of celebrity and personality can carry a match. This is a perfect example. It's Onita's 'retirement', back when people thought he wasn't bullshitting, and his final opponent is one of his dojo boys. It's fair to say emotions are running high, as Hayabusa looks to prove he is ready to be the main man in FMW, and Onita looks to go out on a high-note. A basic premise, and a basic match with it, as Onita runs through a repertoire of about 4 moves with some explosions thrown in. The opening is all about the two trying to avoid being the first to hit the wire, as Onita suddenly got very good at adding the explosion tease in his retirement year. As it is, both men fight so hard their momentum takes both of them into it.

Onita is the old hand at these matches, Hayabusa only stepping up the ladder from the junior non-garbage related stuff here, and so Onita dominates, first hurling Hayabusa to the wire, then trying to get a victory via backdrop suplexes and crab holds before the time bomb goes off. 'Busa is made of stronger stuff though, and refuses to give in, and even forces Onita into the wire just as the sirens start blaring to indicate the closing minutes before explosion. The look of horror on both men's faces as one minute left is announced says it all. Onita goes for broke, as he hits the Thunder Fire Powerbomb and DDT's, but Hayabusa is still refusing to lose, despite Onita seemingly trying to knock him out so he can be a martyr one last time and cover his student from the explosion. It doesn't pan out like that, and Onita's last act of heroism is protecting ref Go Ito when the timebomb explodes, at the same time as Hayabusa has crashed into the wire after Onita ducked a charge to cover Ito. The dust settles, and Onita goes about trying to finish Hayabusa with another powerbomb, but he kicks out again, and counters the next one with a rana. With the cage not explosive anymore, Hayabusa uses flying for the first time in the match, but his moonsault from the top of the cage misses, and is finished for good after two more Onita powerbombs. Simplicity defined here, but the emotion behind it and the overness of Onita made it the match of matches to the crowd. As a side note, this show drew 55,000 in Kawasaki, on the same night, NJPW drew around that number in Fukuoka (the Dontaku show the Hase/Flair match above took place on). 9 years on and so much has changed in puroresu, and not for the better either.

After this, we see the Onita/Tarzan Goto vs Sheik/Sabu Fire Match in FMW that went awry. You can control explosions, you can't control fire. Pity these four had to get scorched for Onita to realise.

Barbed Wire Baseball Bat Match
Mr Pogo vs Mitsuhiro Matsunaga (W*ING 8/3/92)
Matsunaga is over, and Pogo is the dominant heel, with a manager in Victor Quinones with such a horrible mullet he can draw heat instantly. Mind you, by the end of this the heat was all on Matsunaga, and specifically his noggin. Pogo's swigging of some paraffin followed by a fireball at Matsunaga's bonce is the culmanation of 10 minutes worth of walk-round-Korakuen brawling, with Matsunaga bleeding like a stuck pig, Pogo trying to get away with taking as few bumps as possible, and the fans hailing Matsunaga as their new indy God as they rally him to come back. Only when he does comeback (including removing the wire from the bat and initially making a very sharp Slinky), he soon gets cooked. It was pretty much a bunch of crap, but this bunch of crap sold tickets, seemingly purely off the back of Matsunaga's charisma and insanity. And I hope to God I never see a pre-scarred Kanemura in that godawful hot pink ring jacket again.

Vader and Bam Bam Bigelow vs The Steiner Brothers (NJPW 24/6/92)
If it wasn't for the fact that I've been watching WCW Classics for the past two years, the sight of Scott looking like a relatively normal bloke could have killed me with shock. Someone needs to send me an MP3 of Vader's theme music. I bet when the two teams saw their opponents here, they licked their lips in anticipation knowing they could just beat the shit out of each other. That is what they pretty much do for the duration of ths IWGP Tag Title match.

Bigelow bumps huge for the Steinerlines purely to avoid the fate of Anne Boleyn, and gets his own revenge by stopping a Rick corner charge by lifting a boot straight into DFG's gob, which he decides to take full force, realising it would probably improve his visage. Vader takes a Scotty Frankensteiner like an early 1990's Worldwide jobber looking to improve his meagre pay ("look at the exposure your getting!") by getting himself paralyzed and winning a fat court settlement. This is just pure impact throughout this match, nonstop action, I believe the puro aficionados call it "high-spurt", but I can't type or say that without giggling like a schoolboy looking up swearwords in the dictionary. Because of the nature of the action, the finish comes somewhat out of the blue, and involves a clumsy as fuck ref bump when Rick's feet catch the ref in the head whilst Bam Bam prepares to slam him. Bigelow of course has Rick beaten and pinned afterwards, but no referee to count it! Bam Bam gets the ref to his feet, and turns into a Rick Steiner overhead belly-to-belly suplex for the pinfall, and new champs, The Steiners adding to their WCW Tag belts (soon to be lost to Williams and Gordy as Bill Watts gets his feet under the desk).

A fun match that probably won't be hailed as an all time classic in the history of the IWGP Tag titles, but was pretty fucking good all the same. The four competitors probably enjoyed it as well, even if they did need some buckets to spit teeth into.

The Great Muta vs Jushin Liger (NJPW 20/10/96)
Muta is wearing some weird as fuck trench coat that appears to have an entire plastic snake stuck to one of the shoulders. Liger has also ditched traditional attire here as well, silver replacing red. The battle of the two most famous gimmicks in NJPW history (OK, so Great Muta was originally spawned in America, but he kept it going), and Kobe is looking forward to it.

What follows is pretty much a limp brawl for the most part, with Muta selling little and stalling quite a bit. In fact, until the closing moments, this is pretty much a match for the crapper, Liger gets battered, and there is a point where the two just disappear under the ring trying to find each other. Then Liger gets his mask ripped...

Much to Muta's surprise, the removal of Liger's masl reveals he is wearing Muta facepaint underneath, and promptly mists the real Muta. Hell, Muta even starts selling some of the offence from Liger now, who has taken the style of Muta to heart, and is battering his opponent with chair shots and grabbing a table to perch in the corner. Then Muta responds with more mist, whips Liger into the table, handspring elbow followed by moonsault, and that's it. It was different, it was a bit weird, but to be frank, it wasn't really any good. Maybe Keiji Muto should have kept Muta in WCW.

This tape rounds off with three matches from New Japan's junior heyday. Starting with this rather choice selection...

Jushin Liger vs Shinjiro Ohtani (9/2/97)
That this has had about half of it clipped off matters little, this is just as great as their IWGP Junior title match a year previous, and here, with the J-Crown at stake, they deliver before a rabid crowd. This works off the year previous, as Ohtani came so close then but contributed to his own downfall, and Liger made the shotei a weapon of doom and wrestled like he had a point to prove.

Once again Ohtani brings the shit-hot nearfalls, as he came so close the last time that the crowd are prepared to accept him as a champion this time around. Once again Liger is forced to up his game, as he delivers the violent Liger Bomb once more. Once again this match is fucking awesome, and Shinjiro Ohtani and Jushin Liger prove themselves to be two of the greatest professional wrestlers of all time. Ohtani comes desperately close once more, but once again cannot put away his senior, no matter how many dragon suplexes he delivers. The blubbing comes out as his despair increases with every Liger escape. He has mentally prepared himself for victory, as he starts celebrating after a swan-dive spin kick, despite only getting two, needing a ring second to snap him out of it. Eventually, the window of opportunity for Ohtani to claim the belts closes once again, Liger remembering what put Ohtani away last year and peppering the youngster with shotei after shotei. Ohtani shows he has learnt from their previous match as he manages to avoid some of the strikes, but eventually gets obliterated by a shotei as he comes of the ropes, and Liger seals another J-Crown defence, but only after the fight of his life.

This. Is. Just. Fucking. Great. A note to the bods at TWC. You are getting Classic Japan footage from mid-90's NJPW. There is this match and a another Liger/Ohtani match from 17/3/96 that should be in their archives. Upon obtaining them, show them back to back in one episode. You will be doing those who have already seen them a service by showing them in pristine condition and in full, and doing the rest of the viewers a service by exposing them to two absolutely brilliant wrestling matches. Do this and I might even be able to overlook that stupid screen-obstructing quiz. Ohtani!!!~~~ Liger!!!!~~~~ Professional Wrestling!!!!!!!!~~~~~~~~~

TAKA Michinoku vs Koji Kanemoto
The battle of the uber-dicks here, and it is kept short (at least on the clips anyway). TAKA outdicks Kanemoto for the most part, throwing in as many contemptous strikes and gestures as he can cram in, as well getting off a fat moonsault from the top-rope to the second row, and even throwing in some shoot stuff with a kneelock. Kanemoto kicks a bit, does his "look at me I'm a dickhead" schtick, and gets the win with a Tiger Suplex hold. Get the moves out and get to the finish, but you can't help but think what could have been had TAKA not been so seduced by the bright lights of the the WWF.

Chris Benoit vs El Samurai (14/6/93)
The 1993 Top of the Super Junior Final rounds of the tape, and it's a goodun, but not mindblowing. Benoit (Pegasus Kid) brings the savage intensity in every move he delivers, with the Dynamite Kid. Samurai responds by trying to slow down Benoit, even using the Crippler Crossface years before Benoit popularized the move in the US. After these early exchanges, they up the tempo a bit, Samurai getting slammed into the barricades, and Benoit hitting some dives from the top to the floor. Back in the ring the two break out the big moves, Pegasus with a powerbomb, Samurai a tombstone piledriver, and then the two both miss diving headbutts. Eventually, Benoit is able to get to the top rope again, but is followed up by Samurai. Whatever the masked one planned on doing we don't find out, as Pegasus hits a surprise powerbomb from the top to get the win.

The finish was cool, if out of the blue, and was the most memorable aspect of the match, which had trundled a bit before that. As a whole, the match was decent, but no more than that unfortunately. Oh yeah, check out that horrible attire Dave Finlay is wearing in the post-match gaijin celebrations. Yikes.

So that's the end of Drago then, and its been a worthwhile revisit. Best match on the tape by a mile is Liger/Ohtani, followed by the Vader/Bigelow vs Steiners potato-fest. Worth getting hold if you ever get the chance, it got me into puro, and with a mix of styles and matches (no AJPW heavyweights though bizarrely, it would have been preferable to Muta/Liger and Matsunaga/Pogo), it could do the same for someone else. Now excuse me while I find my copy of Kobashi vs Takayama.

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