Attention to detail is paramount here as a lot of it revolves (gasp) around Dory Jr applying wrestling holds and Jacko trying to counterbalance them. Fortunately this fits these two wrestlers to a tee as Dory is the master of prolonged mat attacks and Brisco was an excellent no-frills babyface.
For this fact almost every moment of Dory's holds seemed relevant as Brisco for the most part struggled to escape, which he did at various points to rapturous response from the audience.

It may seem like a boring prospect to some but they made the premise work in an engaging manner. Of course Gordon is fugging great selling the whole affair, every pedantic aspect of psychology, punctuated by some vague football player analogies from the football coach geezer.
Jack Brisco's own commentary kinda rocks too, albeit in a different way, i.e. 'Mah dee-fense wasn't all it could have been' in that lugubrious, monotone hick drone of his.

As the bout draws nearer to it's one hour time limit conclusion the odds seem to be desperately tilted against the incumbent Funk and it was structured to look more and more as if Brisco was going to take the gold. Actually, as the end of a one hour draw it's not a patch on Harley Race v Ricky Steamboat from Mid Atlantic but it's still pretty great and the build that had preceded it was tremendous.
It's sad that this kind of wrestling is dead and never coming back really because it works in any era, in any timeframe, in any place - because it's physical theatre which will always be universal. Was this the best American match ever? I don't think so, I'm a sick fuck and I'd rather have Magnum-Tully, but that's not to take anything away from this classic and rightfully lauded (lamented?) title match.

Bill Goldberg v Satoshi Kojima (All Japan 30/8/02) by Lee Flattery

Ah, Goldberg does his entrance from the dressing room ala WCW 98. Game for you here: Can you rearrange the following words into a coherent sentence? 'is' 'Baba' 'flipping' 'grave' 'his' 'Giant' 'in'. Answers on a postcard to RIM courtesy of the Pentagon................After the pryoperversity ceases I actually enjoy the hell out of this in a sick sort of way.
The OVERRATED PUNK ASS KOJIMA (just thought I'd stick that in there for hyperbolic controversies sake) has to bump big for the King Of Kosher, fire an elbow or two and JOB LIKE A BITCH to El Jackhammer Del Morte. Hey, it's okay folks, Kojima is over as fuck so it doesn't even matter if Goldberg squashes him. Taiyo Kea may be another story. As a Goldberg squash this was kinda between Goldberg v La Parka and Goldberg v Hennig. Actually, I enjoyed both of those more than this. NITROSCUMGOLDBERGJOBS MOTHERFUCKERS!!!!!!!!

noki-A v Taylor Matheny (ARSION 10/9/02) by Lee Flattery

I love watching noki-A because she's such a no bullshit kind of wrestler. She can do it all in the ring pretty much and just sort of gets on with it regardless of boring backstage politics and without having to do a poor impersonation of Takako Inoue. Taylor?
Taylor seems to have a decent grasp of this wrestling lark which I imagine is probably more to do with Mariko 'Dark Mistress of Spider Based Lasciviousness' Yoshida than anything Taz taught her. WHO THE FUCK LET TAZ NEAR AN ANNOUNCING DESK ANYWAY? Sorry about that. Yeah so Taylor is Tough Enough W** scum so naturally (even though she has a nice behind) I hate her. Puerile and obstinate? Not me.
This irrational loathing is all the more reason for me to enjoy this match. Oh, how I chuckled in sardonic, sarcastic and sadistic fervour as AKINO stretched Ms Apple Pie like she was trying to fit a rubber over John Holmes' cock. Oh, did I mention the blown spots? Yup, Taylor fugged up more than Sabu in a 'Banana Skin On A Pole Match' which heightened the chortle factor for me and steered a clearly unimpressed noki-A into a more vigorously sustained policy of derriere damaging.

That said and to be fair (puts on objective tanktop) I do think that Taylor will become a good wrestler if she sticks around the ARSION crew long enough, and let's face it who WOULDN'T want to stay and see Bionic J naked in the shower every night? Any takers? Anyone at all? Hello?

Nitro and Los Cafines Rockeros v Los Orientales and Super Parka (Monterray mid-2002) by Lee Flattery

The awesome thing about Monterray is that it does look like you could be shot at any moment while sitting in the audience. Which is the diametrical opposite of W** or FWA where you'd want to shoot yourself if you were in the audience. THIRD WORLD WRESTLING RULES THE EARTH!!!!!!!! VIVA ZAPATA!!!!!!!!
Yeah, so this match is pretty good, I think that Super Parka is actually related to La Parka so we're allowed to like him. Also, my superior sense of fashion (proving an abundance of theology and geometry) is drawn intrinsically to the red and black Parka outfit. Super Parka is the technico brawler here, adding touches of Parka humour where relevant, while his partners (guys with mohawk masks - imagine the Conquistadors crossed with Sasuke the Great) are bumping like hombres locos all over the place.
Nitro (where Pierroth meets Violencia) brings with him the role of the man to hate while Los Cafines do their utmost to outdo Los Orientales in the crazy stakes. Los Cafines Rockeros fucking rule it like a pair of Mexican Marty Jannettys taking huge and insane bumps, yet at the same time carrying it all off with as much charismatic swagger as anyone out there right now. Tied at one fall apiece (In lucha libre? Never!) the match goes into overdrive and one of the Orientales hits one off the Cafines with a near light speed tope suicida, which the Rockero sells like a complete son of a motherfucker by bumping his crazy self backwards into the third row. Suicide is painful. All of which kinda leaves an inevitable showdown between Nitro's PR ass and Super Parka. Pierroth by this point had staggered his drunken frame down to ringside where he made good upon tripping Parka and forcing him to lose by countout. There is then some hispanic Mexican nationalism v Purto Rican nationalism dialogue between Pierroth and Super Parka. This is sleaze folks.

Chris Benoit v Coy Dangle (W** Unforgiven 2002) by Lee Flattery

I accuse Vincent K McMahon Junior of buggering professional wrestling for his own personal gain.
I accuse Jim Ross of being an accomplice to this bastardization.
I accuse Terry Bolea of using professional wrestling to become a b-list celebrity.
I accuse Paul Levesque of sticking anabolic steroids in his bum.
I accuse Dwayne Johnson of making himself a crappo movie star at the expense of professional wrestling.
I accuse Eric Bischoff of being a tit.............

But hell, there seems to be some sort of wrestling based fun on W** shows once more even if the entity is in itself abhorrent. What's more is that Chris fugging Benoit is back inside a wrestling ring doing what he does so very well. Kurt Angle? I think the last time I saw him before this match was pulling off a very good performance against Hulk Hogan.
The last series of matches between these two during 2001, while being decent/good, essentially bombed relative to expectations and to be honest I don't think that this has progressed too far from the aforementioned bouts. They do some pretty good mat wrestlin stuff to begin, which is still distinctly unique in the W** climate. How long before the Lo-Ki style of wrestling hits Vinceland? It won't be too long. Not that I care or anything, only it's a valid corollary as Benoit and Angle executing successive suplexes on each other in order to pop the crowd is very in line with the American indy stuff that bores me (and evidently not me alone) into oblivion. Does Benoit really have to resort to these tactics? Of course Chris Benoit doesn't do a lot wrong and this match is no exception to the rule, it is for the most part perfectly fine professional wrestling but it sure as haides doesn't have anything close to the aura of the 'great' match that some would have you believe it to be.

The finish is pretty great though, a counter submission fest par excellence culminating in a clean submission - although one would think that an olympic wrestler would be able to make an ankle lock look a little more convincing than Angle does. This match perplexes me because the two seem to relish working with each other yet it just doesn't seem to come off as the match you'd expect. I'd much prefer to watch either man against lesser opponents.

Da Hit Squad v The Boogie Knights (JAPW 5/02) by Lee Flattery

Damn! The Hit Squad are fucking dangerous - a kind of Nuevos Headhunters cum Moondogs. The recklessness of this match is unbelievable, but it certainly makes for an interesting watch.
Da Squad, who are each over three-hundred pounds mercilessly stiff and throw around these two skinny kids who evidently have a penchant for getting the shit kicked out of themselves.

It's well constructed though as the Knights keep getting in these little comebacks when the match ostensibly looks to be a squash. Monster Mack and Mafia are over big time with the post-ECW rubes who scream sadistically for the nastiest of spots to be perpetrated.
One of the Knights gets an evil power bomb through a table in the centre of the ring while the fans chant 'Wall!! Wall!! Wall!!.........' in reference to the wall conveniently adjacent to the ring. On of the Squadders picks up one of the Knights over his head and throw the poor fucker FROM THE RING INTO THE FUCKING WALL AT FULL SPEED AND THE BASTARD BOUNCES OFF THE WALL AND LANDS ON HIS FACE!!!!! I've seen some sick bumps in pro-wrestling but that one was just out there, I rewound it five times in disbelief. The crowd roar unsympathetically as Da Squad give a nasty looking Burning Hammer to the other Boogie Knight to pick up the win at last. Maybe it isn't big or clever but this stuff is out there.

Aja Kong/Akira Hokuto v Etsuko Mita/Mima Shimoda (GAEA 1/02)
“Great bloody brawl with the bonus of Aja being rolled down the stairs.”

(To the tune of row your boat)
Roll, roll, roll your Aja violently down the stairs, merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily life is like a dream.

Classic LCO match here, as we have the violence, the brawling, the brutality and the sexuality. This is up to the usual high standards of all the participants and is a great quasi brawl / wrestling match and it is as good as one would expect.
Not much to say other than EAT IT.

Randy Savage v Ted Dibiase (Cage match, MSG, 198?
“Classic dubyaeff OTT cage title match. Teddy and Savage make the most of the stipulation and to no great surprise it ends up ruling. Two of the best ever.”

Eat the fist drop of doom baby as Ted DiBiase, the man with the millionaire lifestyle and the million dollar belt brings his own brand of hate to Randy Savage in this super duper cage match. This match may have been for the WWF title, but really it was all about Ted DiBiases wanting for the beautiful and desirable Miss Elizabeth; the one item money couldn’t buy.
As a kid I remember DiBiase on Wrestling Challenge, leaching up to Liz, fingering his dirty money in her face; that was badass, I wanted to punch DiBiase in the face myself, how dare he vilify the first lady of wrestling. Bring the hate as this is a god damn great match.

Aja Kong v Carlos Amano (Oz Academy 6/02)
“My RIM buddy John Kennedy made the comparison between this and a Vader UWFI match and it's not too far off. Amano really takes it to Aja and it's a real fun superstiff mat bonanza.”

I reviewed this in the last issue of RIM and even after only a month, I still enjoyed watching this baby all over again. How could I not? It’s Aja Kong smashing the seven shades of piss (yes, there are 7) out of Carlos Amano who sells it like a fucking champ. Perhaps it’s not as tech-shoot-wank as I first thought, but it’s still stiff and it’s still darn’ good.

Fuggin' awesome Austin Idol Memphis music video.
“Count those sweet, sweet punches baby!!! All to the tune of Gary Glitter’s 'Do You Wanna Touch?' as sung by some sultry American lady. THIS RULES!”

Yes this does RULE!

Chigusa Nagayo/Sakura Hirota v Mayumi Ozaki/KAORU (GAEA 6/02)
“Another quality GAEA variation on the classic southern tag match. Hirota (who delivers big) and Chigusa are in total babyface mode, complete with hideous 2cool gimmick, while D-Fix put the boots in. One of my fave matches of 2002.”

More uncensored violence as one would expect from GAEA and also as one would expect from the M2K comps; as Hirota drops the comedy down a level or two and convincingly plays the baby face in distress whilst D-Fix bring the ever loving hate. Lee reviewed this last month and everything he said about it was spot on and since I’m a lazy fuck with a lot of college work, I’ll say no more.

Manabu Nakanishi v Yoshinobu Takayama (New Japan 6/7/02)
“Uncannily excellent match from these two. As stiff as you'll see and plenty of matstuff from the newly malenkofied Nakanishi.”

Two of this years improved wrestlers beat the holy fugg out of each other in a match that was above and beyond the usual standard of New Japan heavyweight matches. (With the exception of Nagata & Nishamura) Nakanishi still does the little things that annoy me but thankfully Takayama thumps him one every time he does his grunting monkey routine.
Full of super stiff shots, especially the chops……………….ouch!!!

Chikayo Nagashima v Meiko Satomura (GAEA 6/02)
“They overdid this match a wee bit, but it's still very good. Fast paced joshi title match, which is a testament to Nagashima who had already had very good matches with Sugar Sato and Hamada earlier in the day.”

I honestly don’t know what Lee is talking about here when he says that they over did this, as this is in my opinion the match of the year so far.
It may have been that they used their finishers early and quite often throughout the match, but for me this had no bearing on the overall quality of the match whatsoever as both women sold the effect of the moves throughout the match. Meiko was great here as usual breaking out her vast array of stiff aggressive strikes and submissions whilst keeping up with the electrifying pace of the on form Nagashima. Just a great, exciting match that you all need to see.

Blue Panther/NOZAWA/Masada v Negro Casas/Shocker/Brazo De Plata (EMLL 7/02)
“Cool as @#%$ lucha brawl which sees Panther and Casas REALLY lay into one another. This match is why I love El Maestro Lagunero.”

Blue Panther rules the world; as old as the hills, yet he still kicks major ass and shows intensity that men 10 years his junior couldn’t even dream of achieving. Here the Maestro is teaming with Indy sleaze bag Nozawa and the ever impressive Masada.
The rudo’s take it to the technicos in this one; and as Lee mentioned Panther and Casas really beat the fuck out of each other. Funtastic Lucha TV Brawl.

Bill Dundee v Dustin Starr (Memphis early 2002)
“Dundee comes out to blatantly shill his wrestling school, the number for which he has written on a piece of cardboard, and manages to squeeze in some backhanded insults about Vince McMahon and Jerry Lawler before stepping into the ring to work a squash against his protégé Starr. A beautiful piece of American sleaze.”

Even today in the year 2002, studio wrestling in Memphis is what it always has been; dirty, cheap and downright sleazy, and this my friends is no exception. Today on channel 5 we have a legend of Memphis wrestling “Superstar” Bill Dundee Vs the porn star like named Dustin Starr.
We put the match on the backburner for a second, as Dundee comes out for an interview with Cory Macklin and decides to take this opportunity to “shill” his new wrasslin’ school.
And what do we get to attract us to this new school, a fancy video presentation? No! Some plush graphics? No! - A piece of cardboard with a phone number scribbled down held up to the camera!!!
Imagine going to Bill Dundee’s wrestling school, learn to punch like a god with the Superstar, learn to skip child support payments and score the best drugs with guest instructor JC Ice and if you are good enough you to may get the chance to play the part of a pimp on the Jerry Springer show!!! (Jamie Dundee actually appeared on the Springer show playing a guy pimping out his 14 year old sister….playing a part, yeah sure!!!)
Anyway to the match - a short TV squash here with Dustin getting no chance to show the world what he can do as Bill puts him a way with an ugly sunset flip after a roll around on the mat. Pretty bog-standard wrestling here, but it still ruled in its own fucked up way?

Miracle Man/Azteca v Dr Quallt/MA-G-MA (Osaka Pro 3/1/02)
“Very good tag match from zanyland. MA-G-MA comes off as a cross between Dick Togo and Ultimo Guerrero which of course is a positive thing.”

Mr Flattery’s above quote had me all riled up with anticipation; I mean how could the bastard lovechild of Dick Togo and Ultimo Guerrero’s sweaty man love be anything but beautiful?
And guess what; he was right as MA-G-MA breaks out the entire classic rudo “shtick”, the low-blow, the un-masking attempt and the unadulterated crowd brawling. We are just getting started and I love this already as MA-G-MA is punching people and his rotund belly is wobblin’ and shakin’ while Dr Quallt hits one of the babyfaces with a spectacular baseball slide dropkick straight to the balls! Think Lucha, M-Pro and mid nineties NJ Juniors all rolled up into one, stick in a ton of near falls, cheap costumes and loads of big moves and this is what you get. Osaka Pro is Spanking Great Fun!

SUWA v Susumu Yokosuka (Toryumon 7/02)
“Excellent title match with another smashing performance from the Dibiase-esque SUWA. As good as I've seen Susumu get as well.”

I am an idiot, its official, it’s in writing and it’s carved in stone. Many moons ago when Ultimo Dragon’s Toryumon first appeared on the scene, I being the idiot that I am dismissed it. Not only did I dismiss it then, but I continued to do so even whilst others heaped on the praise in abundance.
I didn’t get it, pretty boys with punkish haircuts doing fancy moves I though, pah who needs this.
You see I thought I was smart and when this tape arrived and I looked at the match listings and saw Toryumon, I laughed, I sniggered, I sneered and I thought, oh Lee you poor ignorant fool, god bless your soul.
But as I began to watch, I realised my mistake – SUWA is fucking punching people in the mouth and it fucking balls-out! Not only that but he takes a severe ass kicking as Yokosuka absolutely destroys his knee and he sells it like he is Ricky Morton 2002. This is great, this is professional wrestling at its best and I love it.

Watch out for – SUWA’s reversal of a wheelbarrow into an S.T.F. (Hey, we stole our style from DVDR; I may as well steal from Mo Chatra as well!!!)

Hiromi Yagi/Sumie Sakai v The Bloody/FANG Suzuki (Jd' 11/01)
“Fun thirty minuter packed with good wrestling. Very enjoyable.”

Joined in progress here as FANG has the fresh from her US tour Sumie Sakai all wrapped, nice and cosily in a sleeper with body scissors; they follow this with some pretty lackadaisical crowd brawling, which seems to be the norm for Joshi tag matches today. This is so less than intense when compared to the likes of D-Fix and LCO and being a huge GAEA fan I’m not buying this weak effort at all.
They stumble back to the ring and things pick up a bit, but I’m still less than enthused as only the Bloody makes an impression on me by breaking out some nice suplexes and by being much crisper in her execution of moves than the others. A 30 minute draw and a long, long 30 minute draw to boot. Average at best.

Liger/Naruse/Tanaka/Kakihara/El Samurai v Gedo/Jado/Kanemoto/Eddie Guerrero/Silver King (New Japan 5/02)
“This is not the elimination match but rather the superior 2/3 falls match between these ten guys and man does it rock. Everyone is firing here and if you look at the names involved you know that's a recipe for success.”

When watching the aforementioned elimination match, I’ll admit to being just a tad disappointed; it got massive praise by most and unfortunately for me it didn’t live up to the billing. Not that it wasn’t a good match or anything; it just wasn’t what I was expecting.
Anyway 2 out of 3 falls here and instantly I am sucked right into the action in as the usually ”asboringaswatchingpaintdry” Minoru Tanaka instantly gets a fall on Gedo by stiff kicking him on the head and slapping on his rolling arm bar. This gets the heels all riled up and they decide to bring the unforgiving ass stomp to the baby face team. Eddie and Black Tiger are performing double team moves, setting each other up for the flipping sentons and it’s great. I ponder the possibility of how great a rudo tag team this would be before I realise that it will never ever happen and I should fantasize about something a bit more normal.
As for the baby face team; you guessed it! Lyger is the fucking man as always, being the ultimate apron baby face, selling his ass of for Eduardo’s figure four and being undoubtedly the coolest motherfucking professional wrestler ever. This is an absolutely great match, everyone was at their best and you need to see this as soon as possible.

Jun Akiyama/Mitsuharu Misawa v Toshiaki Kawada/Akira Taue (6/12/96)
“RWTL 1996 final and maybe the crowning moment of Kawada's career. One the best matches of all time, Tosh is the Mifune of wrestling.”

Uh, I can’t watch this, it jumping up and down all over the shot.
My eye, my eye, Lance my eye, somebody get a doctor, my eye, argghhhhh!!! Pig!

Mariko Yoshida v Melissa (ARSION 8/02)
“Pure Yoshida, as she slaps around and stretches the yank novice while selling supremely and building an engaging match. Ooooooh spider tights.”

When I saw the match listings from “Chronicles of Misspent” this was one of the matches I was looking forward to seeing; not because I thought it would be all that good but because being a Joshi fan I was interested in seeing how the newcomer Melissa faired in the land of the Orient.
Anyway, the answer is rather good as they go to the mat for a good portion of this and while Yoshida is in control for the most part; Melissa holds up her end of the bargain as they go for the slow build routine with Yoshida working over the shoulder for the better part of the match. This was rather good and I need to see more.

Akira Hokuto v Shinobu Kandori (AJW 2/4/93)
“Hellishly brutal, yet lucidly vivid and transcendent. The best match of all time in my view. The fact that some were unfamiliar with the existence of this match prompts its inclusion on this tape.”

People are unfamiliar with this match!!! Get out from under that rock sunshine as this is the greatest Joshi match of all time! Not arguably, not perhaps, but the greatest fuckin’ Joshi match of all time.
Things kick off with a Homer Simpson style star wipe and if that doesn’t prepare you for the brilliance that is ahead then perhaps Hokuto punching Kandori right in the fucking mouth will. A crazy frantic start, as Kandori gets the upper hand applying an armbar that is sold as a major injury as Hokuto goes to the outside and her seconds attend to her frantically.
The violence continues for 30 minutes plus; as this match almost goes through every conceivable style of pro wrestling available, blending them into a catastrophic hyperbole of goodness.
Hokuto bleeds buckets as both women beat the dog piss out of each other for your pleasure until one can take no more; whilst you sit there with a shit eating grin basking in your new found glory.

Barry Windham/Dustin Rhodes v Scotty The Body/Rip Rogers (WCW 1992)
“The coolest three minute squash match ever. It has everything you could ask for: Raven and Rogers bumping like freaks, Dustin stomping ass and Barry's superplex.”

In my opinion this is the kind of match that is missing from American Pro Wrestling today; bring back the three minute squash as it is the perfect tool to get wrestlers and their finishers over. Even as a rookie the underappreciated Rhodes was still a good ‘un.

Various Promos
The tape finishes up with various promos as Austin Idol, Tommy Rich and Paul E bring the Real in Memphis sleaze, the trial and tribulations of Buddy Landell, Corny accuses Jim Crockett of fraud and Ludwig Borga stomps a mud hole in America’s ass.

In front of approximately 200-400 people, and their respective dogs and cats , these two men put on a display of unbelieveable intensity, while also managing to tell a semblance of a story between the violent stuff.

You see, before this match the commercial tape (shout out to paltaper for providing me with a non-butchered copy) shows interviews between the two particpants. Cactus Jack shows in his interview what made the original Mankind character in the WWF (before he became all cuddly and comedic around late 1999) so damn effective in 1996. He also sets out his stall for the match ahead, as he realises that in order to make a name for himself in the world of wrestling, he must decisively beat the legend that is Terry Funk, and he must beat him in the violent surrounds of barbed-wire.

The match starts out with some chair hurling, barbed wire teases, and a few wrestling holds. Then, the shit starts to hit the fan. Among other spots, and in no particular order, Cactus gets dumped gut first on the barbs, then attempts suicide by trying to do the same rope hanging move that cost him his ear months before, and bumps through the wire and onto the floor. Cactus breaks out the flaming chair, and cracks Terry across the back a couple of times.
Terry does likewise to Cactus, including an absolutely sick hip-toss onto the flames. In the process of this fire chair sequence, they almost cause half the gym to burn down by leaving the chair, still alight, lying about, first on the floor, and then in the ring. The action goes away from the ring, and then you see a huge patch of water where the chair was left, as a wise man decided to extinguish it. This puddle almost causes Funk to go arse-over-tit when he first steps on it though.

Soon, there is more fire-related madness, as Funk produces a flaming branding iron, and presses into the chest and back of Cactus. In perhaps the most memorable visual of the match, Funk attempts to push the iron into Jack's face, and Jack pushes back with all his might. Is was reminiscent of an action movie, as the fallen (anti-) hero prevents his nemesis from administering the final, fatal blow.
Soon, Cactus is dominant, and he gets a number of near-falls on Funk, whose T-Shirt has now gone charred black in parts from the fire. To get an idea of how badly Funk was being beaten, the fans are buying a near-fall on a regular vertical suplex. Suffice to say, both men are pissing blood at this point. In the midst of the Cactus dominance however, Terry sneaks in a DDT. That is enough, as an exhausted Cactus is covered by an even more exhausted Funk, and gets the 3 count to end the insanity.
Terry then does a great job of selling the ass-beating he took, as he staggers about, swatting the ref and covering him, then grabbing after a photographer and trying to do the same. At ringside, I am pretty sure that Tracey Smothers (who had wrestled the undercard) is seen in a Ribera Steak House jacket, shaking his head in disbelief at the sight of Cactus on the floor. It's either him or one of the Texas Hangmen unmasked.

Then the pay-off. Funk crawls over, shouting after Cactus, in order to shake his hand. The two shake, and the crowd pop. Suddenly, Cactus blasts Terry with a piledriver on the floor, leaving him prone. "Shake my hand now, you son of a bitch!" Terry's post-match interview was a hell of a lot more memorable than his mumbling, 4am promos on the coach to the gym that led up to the match. "I thought the damn Sheik was crazy!" Now he signals his own intent. Getting revenge, and fighting fire with fire.
Cactus does his interview with his blood still seeping onto the dressing room floor.
If, at this point, you are thinking, "Dude, where's the light-tubes?", then kindly fuck off back to czwfans.com, or whichever site you were on that thinks Wifebeater, Zandig, Lobo and their ilk are 'hardcore' and 'ultraviolent'. Go. Now.
This match was all that before the terms 'hardcore' and 'ultraviolent' were fashionable. Considering that match took place in 1995, and I am watching it in 2002, it still holds up pretty well, even though it has been surpassed quality wise by matches involving the likes of Tanaka, Honma and Yamakawa. The story was simple, brutal, and effective, as the younger Cactus dealt an ass-beating to Funk, before the wily veteran snuck the victory. This in turn, built up to the King of the Death Matches in August, where Cactus got his win back against Terry in the tourney finals. Raw brutality, and like many a match, it has a quality about it that cannot be expressed by star ratings. Great stuff.

Johnny Saint vs Naohiro Hoshikawa
Michinoku Pro 'These Days' - 10/10/96 by Martin Wickham

This match took place under the rounds system, in this case, 5 rounds, 3 minutes long. I think Hoshikawa was a rookie at this point. When Saint was a rookie, I would wager that the Wall Street Crash hadn't happened yet.
They start up, and the matwork soon follows. Soon they are trading holds in the opening round, and.......WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT!!! This was indeed an expression I was repeating for much of the match, as Saint became a super bendy, rheumatism defying reversal machine. Case in point. At one stage Hosh has him on the floor, with Hoshikawa standing. Saint does some thing with his arm and leg, freeing up his arm by putting his leg across it (if that made any sense at all). Hoshikawa grabbed the free arm Saint had given himself, and next thing I know Saint is on his feet and back in control. All from acting like Dhalsim from Street Fighter for a few moments.

Another was the cool moment when Saint stopped himself in the middle of the ring, tied his OWN arms and legs up, lured Hoshikawa in, and then untied himself, and tied up Hoshikawa. I am absolutely bemused, but at the same time popping like crazy. So is much of the Sumo Hall. There is nothing else you can do but sit and admire this. Hoshikawa's offense is mainly basic, and nothing out of the ordinary. This was a bit of a shame, as the only thing that would have been cooler than what Saint was doing would have been Hoshikawa matching it. However, I don't believe that it is humanly possible to emulate Johnny Saint.

While this match does appear to have an exhibition feel to it, a story is sort of being told, in that Hoshikawa is gradually getting the measure of Saint as the round progresses, but by the time he is able to trap Saint and try to force a submission, the round has elapsed, and he will have to do it all over again in the next round. At around two minutes into the 4th round, Saint pins Hoshikawa after a suplex, and that's yer lot.

If there is one certain thing about this match, it is that I have not been able to do it justice in this review. As I finish this piece and start to hunt down some more Johnny Saint footage, I now realise why people bemoan the modern British workers as being spot machines. If the unique British style had been retained by more wrestlers, then maybe there would be more desire for British wrestling, as it wouldn't just be seen as a cheap, knock-off version of WWE by the wider public. This match may also go a long way to explaining why Naohiro Hoshikawa rules so much now. Unbelieveable.

Osaka Pro: Real Live in Tokyo 2/7/02 by Martin Wickham

It is true, you can get bored of New Japan. I started watching this tape after two full NJPW shows, after which it dawned on me that I would be very receptive to anything that was remotely different, so I decided to watch the Osaka Pro stuff that followed the Kanemoto vs Tanaka BOSJ snooze-fest on the tape. First thing that catches you right away is the production values absolutely rule. We are talking a video screen here, an Osakatron if you will. It also means that I can identify a bunch of wrestlers I have never seen before, because the screen shows massive graphics as they make their way to the ring. Either Super Delfin is loaded, or he has some investors with money to burn. They also use it to show angles, interviews and such, so what the TV viewer sees is what the people in attendance will also witness. Cool.

Takehiro Murahama vs Ebeto-san

I think Murahama took a wrong turning on the way to the UFO show, because he is in full shooter gear in ths match. Ebeto-san is just a Keiji Mutoh impersonator, complete with the music, and the mask with a beard, bald head and big ears. Ebeto goes on to do every Mutoh mannerism in the book. That thing he does with the ropes, the power elbow, the Puroresu Love kiss, the moonsault, and, natch, the Shining Wizard (which actually looks more like the version The Hurricane does). Murahama decides, "fuck the jollities", and hits a wizard of his own, followed by an armlock for the submission. Complete knock-about, but instantly more fun than the 4 hours of New Japan stoicness that I watched previously.

Takashi Tachibana vs Daigoro Kashiwa

Kashiwa is a representative of Kaientai Dojo in this one. This was joined in progress, but a fair deal of it was shown. Tachibana looked pretty good, but is currently without the off the wall gimmick/mask that most in Osaka Pro have. Kashiwa looked alright, but did nothing to make me think, "Wow, I need to see some of these Kaientai Dojo shows!" Tachibana won with a Emerald Frosion-like move, which actually looked a bit brutal, considering the match only went about 8 minutes.

Shu and Tiger's Mask vs Kengo Takai and Yutaka Fukuda

You can tell Fukuda is a rookie, as he doesn't even appear to have a video screen on his entrance. Yet anyway. I'm assuming that Takai isn't too far off young lion status either. Shu appears to have the ladies man gimmick that every lucharesu promotion seems to have. Tiger's Mask is, well, what Tiger Mask would look like if Satoru Sayama had decided, all those years ago, "fuck getting chucked about by the Dynamite Kid, I'll get involved in my second love, BASEBALL!" This is a guy with a baseball outfit, and the mask modified to team colours. This match is based around Fukuda getting the tar beaten out of him (in a purely working sense of course) by Shu and Tiger's Mask Takai gets in occasionally, and throws a lot of forearms. This works, as there is then heat for Fukuda's comeback against Tiger's Mask, as he uses armbreakers and wakigatame's to try to force submissions. However, T.M then uses some rotating uranage, or something. He attempts a second, but Fukuda fights against it. When he breaks the hold however, Shu blasts him from behind with a springboard dropkick, and Tiger's Mask rolls up Fukuda for three. Not bad, but nothing special.

Black Buffalo, Tsubasa and Gamma vs Oriental, Billy Ken Kid, and Takehiro Murahama

Looks like Murahama's japes with the Mutoh impressionist were a mere warm-up, as he is in full wrestling gear for this contest. Gamma is accompanied by some bird named Franciose, who doubles as the heel team's own personal bitch....ummm, I meant ring announcer. Anyway, this was one of those fast-paced matches that are more fun to watch and enjoy than to actually break down in text. All I will say is that Murahama quite possibly executes the fastest enziguiri on record. There is about a millisecond between the first boot being caught and the second kicking. I believe it is physically impossible to duck the damn thing. This was damn good, and would probably be getting pimped to high heaven if it had taken place in Toryumon or New Japan. Speaking of New Japan, I cannot believe that Murahama hasn't got a full time offer from them. He can shoot, so Inoki will like him, and he can wrestle like a standard junior heavyweight on amphetamines, so everyone else can like him. Gamma (who was quite the heel prick at times) got the pinfall on Billy Ken Kid after a diving headbutt.

Kuishinbo Kamen, Miracle Man, and Azumi Hyuga vs Ebessan, Daikokusan and Policewoman

Daikokusan was a mystery going into match. Anyway, he is brought out, and he wears a mask similiar to Ebessan (think Genghis Khan crossed with Elvis' later years) only brown. He suddenly rips the front of his mask off. It's KINTARO KANEMURA!!!!!!!! This means 'Come out and Play', and it means DANCING! All three of the team do that dance thing to Kanemura's music that is a staple of the Korakuen Hall. Kamen then comes out, and the comedy factor rises by 10 as he is a gigantic fucking clown. Before the match starts, Kamen, Ebessan and Kanemura shake hands, and go to leave together before the match starts. The ref chases up the aisle, slapping them in the head (even Kanemura!), and then dragging the three by the head back to the ring!

This match is just pure comedy. The JWP rep Hyuga heroically trys to keep a straight face, but the poor girl soon gives up. Ebessan and Kamen start the match, and give a 5 minute routine that was the funniest thing I have seen in a wrestling ring in 2002. Much of the match involves Ebessan and Kanemura being all sleazy around Hyuga, and then around Policewoman. Pure Sid James, but as funny as fuck. All it was missing was the Benny Hill music. There are also other comedy spots, such as a 5 way head scissors being turned over by a Kanemura Boston Crab. As well as this, there was some pretty good wrestling from the women, Miracle Man, and Kanemura in between his comedy blasts. Anyway, after a whole load of laughs, Kamen pinned Ebessan. This was an absolute crack-up to watch. If you can't find anything to enjoy in this match, then I strongly recommend you give up on this wrestling thing. Fuckin' great.

Daio QUALLT and Big Boss MA-G-MA vs Super Delfin and Super Demekin

QUALLT and MA-G-MA are the Osaka Pro tag champs. The most recent footage I have seen of Delfin came from the Ten No Zan tourney Osaka ran last October, but I weren't paying much attention then, so this should be interesting. Demekin must be a protege of Delfin. Can't say I have ever seen him wrestle. The heels jump Delfin and Demekin during the ring introductions, and the match is on! First thing that becomes apparant is that they seem to be attempting to skittle as many ringside chairs as possible. A bunch of them toppled after Delfin head-scissored someone into them, and then at points throughout the opening moments someone kept crashing into them. The ring boys are getting a hell of a workout as they try to prevent fans getting whacked, and get knocked over themselves.
Eventually, it all calms down, and soon Demekin becomes the focus of the match, as QUALLT and MA-G-MA beat the fudge out of him. Delfin barely gets a look-in, when he does come in, he soon gets duffed up as well. Towards the end, it got a bit ridiculous. Demekin gets beat up. Delfin comes in to try to make the save. Gets thrown out of the ring. Repeat. A Doomsday Device on Demekin got the three count for the champs. The match kind of suffered as it followed two matches that ruled, albeit for different reasons. There is little I can say of interest about it, but at the same time it was far from boring or bad.

It was only during the post-match interviews that I realised Delfin also has a company logo on his mask, a la The Great Sasuke. Unfortunately, it won't leave you asking questions about the man under the mask, far from advertising male pattern baldness cures on the hood, Super Delfin merely carrys the Osaka Pro logo. Just in case you forget what you are watching and everything. That said, there is a bizarre uniqueness about Osaka Pro that means that you won't forget that you are watching it. When one of the tracks used to highlight angles on the video screen is a cover of 'Lay All Your Love on Me' by Abba, you know you are watching something a bit bloody bizarre. Well worth taking a look at.

WWF King of the Ring 1991
7/9/91 by Martin Wickham

This was on one of those 'Rarest Matches Ever' comps, as this tourney was a non-televised house show in Providence, Rhode Island. If this was any indication, I hope to God that the preceding tournaments are even rarer. The only highlights of this tournament were parts of the Ricky Steamboat vs Ted Dibiase time limit draw, a good while it lasted contest between Bret Hart and Steve Keirn (with the Skinner alias), and the not bad at all final between Hart and Mike 'IRS' Rotunda. The rest? Crap wrestling, and finishes so cheap they gave change from a dollar. Even Dusty Rhodes would have been ashamed of some of this bilge. DQ's, count-out's, double DQ's, FOR FUCKS SAKE IT'S NON-TELEVISED!!!!!! I wasn't expecting quality when some of the participants included Brian Knobs, Virgil, Jerry Sags, Undertaker and Sid, but this was worse than I expected. Avoid like the worst case of bubonic plague, malaria, syphilis and herpes rolled into one.