Oh
yes it’s Ladies Night and we are feeling right!!!
Real in Memphis # 5 presents the ladieeeeeeeeeees!!!
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GAEA 2002 - An appraisal by Lee Flattery
1. OUR DANGEROUS QUEEN DEPARTS
Akira
Hokuto, artistically the greatest professional wrestler to ever
step foot into a ring bar none has retired. Wrestling is a poorer
entity for the fact.
I don't believe that anyone who has ever been fortunate enough to
witness her epic encounter with Shinobu Kandori at All Japan Women's
Dreamslam 1 card in 1993 will be able to erase from their mind the
enduring image of Akira Hokuto, face a scarlet veil of her own blood,
screaming down the aisle with the most penetrating of rage at her
defeated opponent. It was the finest wrestling match ever produced
and ironically, like most great wrestling matches it had little
to do actual wrestling.
It was a brawl, a complete theatrical portrayal of hatred, brutality
and the bitterest of passion. Hokuto had transcended professional
wrestling, this was art. Not that there were not other shining moments
in Hokuto's illustrious career, there were indeed many, many more,
but it was Dreamslam that sealed her image as immortal.
2002. Hokuto,
under what one understands to be an accumulation of outside pressures,
has decided to hang up her multi-coloured boots and outfits permanently.
As spectators and/or fans it would be unfair to resent or deny her
this right. Having participated in the last truly great match of
her career against GAEA's foremost upstart Meiko Satomura, in which
she did a great job of elevating Satomura's status in the Joshi
puroresu landscape, and with this being GAEA we would now be treated
to an extremely lively final Hokuto run.
It began boldly
enough, teaming with the still robust Aja Kong; Hokuto tangled tumultuously
with her old amigos Etsuko Mita and Mima Shimoda. It was a bloody,
vulgar and entertaining brawl, the kind that has become almost synonymous
with Mita and Shimoda who indeed have an undeniable propensity for
such matches.
They fought all over the building, we caught the surreal sight of
Aja Kong being pushed down the stairs in between the spectators
and we were privileged enough to see some of that classic Hokuto
fire back in the ring. It was a great match.
Afterwards there was an angle where Hokuto publicly announces that
her final match will be on April. She also reconciles with Mita
and Shimoda, which led to a reformation of the original Las Cachorras
Orientales the following month against the formidable triumvirate
of Mayumi Ozaki, Dynamite Kansai and Toshiyo Yamada, all of whom
have tangled significantly with Hokuto at some point in the past.
This six woman combination produced another gripping brawl although
it has to be said an inferior one to the past months melee. At this
point I will have to be a tad ribald and state that Hokuto, Shimoda
and Mita in matching outfits was damn hot. Keen to get in all the
old gimmicks before the day arrived, Hokuto even brought back her
masked Reyna Jubuki persona for a show, highlights of which were
broadcast on television.
Back to business
though saw Hokuto and Aja Kong team once more to face perhaps currently
the two best workers in Joshi puroresu, Meiko Satomura and Chikayo
Nagashima in a contest full of furious action and that classic GAEA
verve which I have come to enjoy so wholeheartedly. Another good
match in the books for Hokuto, though it wasn't booked to be a GREAT
match, and forth came another angle which would set up her final
match on April.
The big show came around and it would definitely be her last. No
more reneging on her retirements this time - this was IT.
Her final match would see her team typically incongruously with
her last great rival Meiko Satomura in a parejas incredibles of
sorts against the equally unlikely duo of GAEA new girl Ayako Hamada
and ever present GAEA psychochief Chigusa Nagayo. The seven-eight
minutes of this match that were broadcast on television did not
seem to do justice to a contest of such epic proportions. Still,
there were some memorable moments in what was actually shown - Satomura
trying to 'win Hokuto's full respect', Hamada getting a welcoming
beating, Chigusa looking repulsed by everything, Hokuto assisting
Meiko in Death Valley Bombing Ayako while Chigusa looks on.
The most memorable
thing however was the post-match retirement ceremony. There is a
different story as each wrestler pays their last respects, as it
were to Hokuto in the ring. Ozaki and KAORU, GAEA's coquettish vixens
give girly, girly hugs.............before comedically holding Policewoman
in place for a final Hokuto slap to the face, Sakura Hirota, resident
court jester steps into the ring to oversell a vicious Hokuto slap
of her own and Mita and Shimoda are in flowing tears for the departure
of their mentor. Meiko Satomura, who yearns to be the greatest to
what appear to ascetic, even pathological lengths approaches Hokuto
in the center of the ring. Meiko clenches and asks Hokuto to slap
her as hard as she can in the face, ostensibly a tough-girl 'final-handshake'.
Hokuto obliges. I then remember Chigusa Nagayo's words to Sakie
Takeuchi on the 'GAEA Girls' documentary. To paraphrase, those words
were; 'Don't surrender. Fight back!'. Meiko takes the Hokuto slap
with an impassioned grimace before retaliating with a kick to the
leg - the disciplinarian philosophy of General Nagayo has fused
into Satomura's blood through a wrestling osmosis. Hokuto and Satomura
embrace, both seem fulfilled.
Finally, up steps Chigusa herself. She stares expressionless, as
if her soul is a void into Hokuto's eyes. One gets the impression
that Chigusa sees Hokuto as a quitter, and despite her external
stoism the General feels bitterly disappointed in this great talent.
Even Hokuto seems unnerved by it, something I'm sure not too many
have achieved successfully. The two finally shake hands and the
crowd roars their approval. Kensuke Sasaki, Hokuto's husband walks
onto the ramp with the couple's young son. There is the most poignant
of moments as Hokuto lifts her child in her loving arms, her eyes
alight with maternal joy. The family depart with a final wave. As
an epilogue, footage of Hokuto's retirement party is shown. Hokuto
appears in traditional Japanese attire, sans outlandish theatrical
make-up, her hair tied up neatly. She looks like a different woman.
Maybe she is. Devil Masami reprises her eighties days and breaks
out one last tune on the karoke in honour of Hokuto. The tears in
the room could fill up the Amazon. It's as if Hokuto's career was
a perpetual attempt to escape the insanity of professional wrestling.
She tried twice before and failed.
'Just when I
think I'm out, they pull me back in.' - Michael Corleone, Godfather
Part III
I partook in
some email correspondence about this matter in relation to my own
addiction to this crazy quasi-sport. I quoted Joyce's
line from 'The Dead':
'Better pass
boldly into that other world, in the full glory of some passion,
than fade and wither dismally with age.'
My correspondent
made good to quote Beckett's 'Waiting For Godot':
'Some are born
mad. Some remain so.'
Akira
Hokuto has escaped the madness. I applaud her for it. Maybe one
day we'll join her.
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2. SATOMURA v NAGASHIMA - BRAVE NEW WORLD?
I
consider Meiko Satomura and Chikayo Nagashima to be the best female
(if not overall) wrestlers in the world today. Therefore a title
match between the two put me great anticipatory mode. Imagine my
pleasure to hear that we got two title matches between the two.
However, I have come to learn that two great wrestlers in the ring
together at a given time does not always produce what you might
expect it to produce. I am a little apprehensive in my opinion on
Satomura v Nagashima, as they took me by suprise in terms of the
kind of matches that they produced. For this reason I am conflicted
over whether or not my initial disappointment is justified. I think
it would be helpful to look individually at the two matches.
First
Match
To be honest there isn't that much to appraise here as only the
last few minutes of the match were broadcast (answers on a postcard
to GAORA Broadcasting Corporation.......). It seemed a good match,
and predominantly a precursor of the rematch that they had lined
up for the next month. The basis of the match appeared to be a desire
to win with a respective finisher - Nagashima's Fisherman's Buster
and Satomura's Death Valley Bomb. In the end Meiko wins out and
retains the AAAW title as anticipated. The bigger picture was that
Chikayo had 'proved' her worth as a challenger. We'll move on.
Second Match
Chikayo jumps Satomura at the bell and hits a quick German suplex.
This was a blunt way of demonstrating that the platitudes and sports(wo)manship
of the first match are out of the window and that these competitors
are of an equal footing, that there is every chance of Chikayo taking
the title from Satomura.
It
is a compelling if not traditionally orthodox opening to a wrestling
match. The mid portion of the match saw a variety of different manoeuvring.
One might describe it as traditional Joshi 'workrate', only I felt
that these two worked with more fire than that, selling the impact
of what they were trying to achieve with commendable aplomb. The
major and most obvious flaw in the match was that they went to their
finishers FAR too early and traded them with excessive frequency.
Although to be fair they did sell very well each time a finish was
utilised. Nevertheless the detrimental effect on the match due to
this almost (I hate to use the word but....) clusterfuck of finishers
cannot be erased. Compare this, for example, to Satomura's bout
with Akira Hokuto last year. That match was so impeccably executed
and so deep in meaning that nothing else could touch it. This match
however just leaves you bewildered, as you know that these two wrestlers
are capable of so much more. Still, don't get me wrong this is a
very good match. The end portion of which showcasing a good amount
of drama, with some nice near falls between the two.
Sadly, I found the finish a little underwhelming. Chikayo winning
pretty much randomly with a 450 topropefootstomp was out of the
blue and not really in touch with the ethos of the match.
I
won't deny my disappointment with this match. I was looking for
a Kawada-Misawa and all I got was a Low-Ki-Dragon. Maybe it'll seem
better if I watch it again, I cannot honestly say anymore until
that time should arise.
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3. METEMPSYCHOSIS
'Each
day I walk along a lonely street/Trying to find, find a future/Brand
new pair of shoes are on my feet/Because fashion is my only
culture' - The Specials, 'Do Nothing'
Toshie Uematsu has always, to me at least been Peppermint Patty
from Peanuts. Tell me the resemblance wasn't uncanny? I dare you!
She is a heck of worker as well. So it became a shame to me at the
tail end of last year when Peppermint Toshie's soul was transplanted
into a woman that apparently has Pimpinella Escarlita for a fashion
consultant.
I assume that the passive lesbian look wasn't enough for Chigusa,
therefore a butch makeover was in her mind overdue. At first I despised
the new look and everything it stood for (insofar as making Uematsu
look stupid). Of course, everything has a way of changing around
and surely enough as Uematsu's new gimmick became modified and began
to evolve characteristically, the more I like the 'new' Toshie Uematsu.
Then it got cool. Uematsu started spiking her hair, giving this
devilish grin and hanging with Devil Masami. It's even got to the
point where she has become a 'Devil-cito' of sorts. All is well.
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4.
EGO, MIRTH AND SPORTS ENTERTAINMENT?
Hirota: (something in Japanese)
Crowd:
Fat?
Hirota:
(something in Japanese)
Crowd:
Fat?
Hirota:
(something in Japanese)
Crowd:
Fat?
Those
poor innocent GAEA girls are so innocent and trusting that they
don't even realise that 'the McMahon promotion' is the personification
of pure, unalloyed evil. Ahhhhhhhhhhhh.
The 'Fat?' (as opposed to 'What?') gimmick is pretty funny though.
This naivety is not necessarily restricted to the GAEA's girls though.
That old timer Nagayo has taken to teaming with Hirota and impersonating
Scott Taylor. Complete with 'Too Cool' music. The surreality factor
gets a little too high for comfort as we are roped into watching
Chigusa, Hirota, Amano, Sato, Kansai and more doing the 'worm'.
Chigusa Nagayo seems to be drunk on power - this 'let's be WWF'
gimmick both bizarre and disturbing.
Still it's CHIGUSA FUCKING NAGAYO, all this crap won't affect the
matches I tell myself. Then I watched Chigusa/Hirota v Oz/KAORU
on G-Panic #61. The match was an abomination, total crap, the worse
side of Hirota's comedy made worse by the fact that the other three
were dragged into the mess. I mean Ozaki DOES A FUCKING STINKFACE
FOR FUCKS SAKE!!!
Gordon,
Tony, Reggie and Jessie Bennett! Plus, as all joshi-holics know,
KAORU is the WORST FUCKING WRESLTER IN THE WORLD when the situation
presents itself as it does here. I watched this match as my soul
sunk to its very depths. Had my beloved GAEA been reduced to this
crap? The answer I believed was 'yes'...............until I saw
the next month's show that is. Mercurial as always, the rematch
of Ozaki/KAORU v Chigusa/Hirota turns out to be the greatest source
of fun that you'll see in a wrestling ring from the year 2002. This
match had IT, the 'it' that we used to get on American wresting
shows - the cocoon where all that is important is what happens in
that little fantasy world on your TV screen, you believe again,
it's real in your mind like it always should have been. The basis
of the match is simple, the heels D-Fix beatdown Hirota ala Ricky
Morton, while Chigusa perpetually fights to keep her team afloat
in the quest to oust the tag belts from the super-bitchy Ozaki and
KAORU. Hirota revels in the role and enters her greatest performance
to date, Chigusa is perfect in her role and no-one does EVIL like
Oz. Like many great stories the end is bitter - despite the comebacks
and the soulful fightback, 'Team Eccentric' lose the fight, down
in a blaze of glory. It's a shame we have to look to a bunch of
Japanese women to find the American match of the year.
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| 5.
THE CAR IN FRONT...............
So some attractive, black haired woman with a chubby derriere shows
up at the end of a GAEA show. So what? Is the furore justified?
Is it so earth shakingly turbulent? No, not at all really. I know
what it does signify though. It signifies that a wrestler, who as
combined result of experience and physical necessity has improved
vastly in the last year or so, has joined a company that will further
nurture her new found creativity.
The Toyota turnaround is an interesting one to look at. While I
wouldn't put Manami Toyota on the same level as Jushin Liger as
a worker over the last decade, there is certainly a parallel between
the two, in that they both managed to successfully adapt to a modified
wrestling style in order to remain relevant and artistically valid
in their respective companies. Toyota's output in her final AJW
days was distinctly less vacuous and spot driven than her ironically
acclaimed mid-90's work, where she would be carried at times to
great matches by some of the best wrestling talent ever assembled.
Not that Toyota wasn't a good wrestler - she was - it's just that
her work was so 'empty' feeling, perhaps like randomindyworkerinserthere
does today. Her 2001/02 Zenjo work showed a different side of Toyota,
I think Dean Rassmussen at DVDVR.com said it best when he wrote
(words to the extent of) 'Toyota is so much better now that she
has to use her brain to wrestle'. How can one disagree? How will
the revamped Toyota fit into the undeniably erratic (sometimes-erotic)
world of GAEA-Japan? The thought of Toyota in GAEA style tags certainly
appeals to me - and maybe for one last time; Yamada/Toyota v Kansai/Ozaki?.
Or is it better to let sleeping dogs lie?
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| 6.
IT'S ALL ABOUT THE GREEN, BABY!
Ah,
Oz Academy. The emerald ringed sub-promotion and bastard love child
of Mayumi Ozaki. I find the Academy shows are always good viewing
if only for the unique vibe that they have, and a little claret
is never far away in Oz-land. The latest instalment was a very good
show I thought. Hey how about a quick review?
Ozaki v Kaori Nakayama
A short Oz ass whippin' for the departing Nakayama. All the best
now!
Hirota/Bloody
v Chigusa/FANG Suzuki
The Jd' girls were peripheral to the comedic clownery of the eccentrics
here and the match wasn't much to speak of. Boo boo.
Etsuko
Mita v Sugar Sato
Sugar Sato freaking rules, fat rules and bad Poison-esque hairstyles
rule. Maybe Sugar's Vader-bellybounces don't look all that realistic
to some, but fuck it - it's pro-wrestling y'know? Mita has to stray
from the usual path here and work it southern style with Sugar,
bumping for that delightful Sato ass-stompery while dealing out
her own. I like this stuff.
Carlos
Amano v Aja Kong
Let this be known as the match where Amano shows Aja up as a worker.
It's a really stiff affair here; Aja is in an-unfocused-aja-is-still-better-than-most
mode and doesn't hesitate to smack seven shades of JWP shit out
of Amano. However, instead of this being the extended squash one
might expect, Amano totally makes a match out of it by selling the
beating like a motherfucker and coming back with a credible and
fire fuelled attack of her own. In the back of your mind you KNOW
that Carlos Amano isn't going to beat Aja Kong, but in this match
Amano forces you to suspend belief. They lay down the rudiments
of a bona-fide classic contest, such a shame that it had to end
in Aja's favour so abruptly after 15 minutes or so. There's the
dichotomy of ego over art for you.
Chikayo
Nagashima v Devil Masami
A similar story to the last match in one way. It's odd and an example
that wrestling politics are rife everywhere, that Nagashima and
Satomura, while being pushed as the title holders of the promotion,
still have to job at irrational intervals to members of the old
guard. It's ironic also because GAEA is THE promotion in terms of
getting over younger wrestlers without damaging the credibility
of the Devils, the Ajas, the Kansais, the Nagayos, the Ozakis and
the Yamadas. Still, this is a very fun match despite the outcome.
Chikayo is such a great wrestler, so slick, with constant thought
and energy and leads the still capable though physically limited
Devil through a good little match. The kind of frivolous thing that
GAEA make interesting and exciting to watch.
Mima
Shimoda/Ozaki v Takako Inoue/KAORU
Total crimson sex bomb fest. I mean we are talking the hottest mommas
in Joshi in the same ring here. Notice all that all four protagonists
in this story are more than adequately femalevalvent. Hmmmmmm, goodness.
These four engage in a 100% bona-fide wrestling free smash 'em up
with big blade jobs from Oz, Mima and KAORU. Takako is kind of mailing
it in, but it doesn't matter too much because what she does do is
done well enough, while the other three engage in some serious marauding
behaviour. Ozaki brutalises with uraken, Mima puts the boots in
and KAORU is free to let rip with her crazy garbage spots. Lots
of blood, lots of brawling all over the place and lots of insanity.
Oz Academy people.
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| 7.
OVER BEFORE IT BEGINS
AYA SAKURAI looked like she was going to be something before she
quit the company. After her energetic debut against CHIKAYO NAGASHIMA
at the arse end of last year (in which Chikayo did an awesome job),
the young lady dubbed with the 'Crush Jr' moniker was thrown to
the wolves by the matriarch CHIGUSA NAGAYO.
Firstly came a good technical match with CARLOS AMANO, in which
we see another flawless performance from Amano. Along with fellow
JWPian AZUMI HYUGA, Amano is the unsung heroine of Joshi puroresu.
The match was certainly successful in raising Sakurai's profile.
Next for young Aya came a beating (and to be fair a good little
match) courtesy of chief Nagayo henchwoman MEIKO SATOMURA.
This vicarious ass-kicking was best described by Dean Rassmussen.
Describing the handshake between the two at the end of the match,
Dean insists that Meiko's inner voice was stating 'Now, shake my
hand and pretend you like me.' Best line since 'Welcome to Mexico
motherfuckers!!!'.
Aya was also faced with the ultra reliable LIONESS ASUKA, returning
briefly from the tight bunned world of ARSION. A typically smart
and tidy exhibition by Asuka, which looked to be Sakurai's most
accomplished match to date. I don't know what has transpired between
Chigusa and Sakurai that forced Aya to truncate her career so abruptly,
but anyone that has seen 'GAEA Girls' can deduce their own conclusions.
It's a shame that Aya Sakurai won't be gracing the GAEA rings anymore
- if only for the fact that had taken to using the motherfucking
awesome AKIRA TAUE chokeslam as a finish. Shame.
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GAEA
G-Panic #63 by John Kennedy
Here we go with GAEA G-Panic#63 and we are first treated to highlights
of the brilliant #62 show, which contained the simply awesome Meiko
Satomura Vs Chikayo Nagashima title change match which very well maybe
my MOTY.
Jumpin’ right in to the action here as we are joined in progress
in the match between Oz & Kaoru Vs Meiko Satomura & Aja Kong,
and D-Fix are taking it right to poor Meiko here, wrapping her up
with a chain, slappin’ her in the mush and even Policeman is
getting involved, would you believe it!!!
But you know this ain’t going to last to long as the lovely
Meiko is teaming with La femme de Vader and I think it’s her
time of the month as she comes in with the bin and starts knocking
heads and the action spills out in to the crowd…
Kaoru’s on the run with Aja giving chase and things go all ECW
like on us as Aja decides she is gonna toss Kaoru of the balcony…………
Ec-dub…. Ec-dub…. Ec-dub…. Yadda yadda yadda
All the kind-hearted people in the world stop Aja from taking it to
the extreme; meanwhile we cut to Meiko hitting the overhead kick on
the bitchy Oz.
Aja lays the stiff boots to Policeman and even Meiko tries to stop
her, but Aja throws her to the ground. Aja is going nuts here and
she gets her team DQ’d for trying to use a fire extinguisher
on Oz.
C’mon Aja, we all know Oz is a hottie but…..
Anyway Meiko is pissed, she don’t like losing and Aja is issuing
challenges left, right and centre and I can’t understand what
the heck they’re talking about. A million billion snowflakes.
Aja
Kong, Devil Masami, Toshie Uematsu, Mima Shimoda & Etsuko Mita
Vs Dynamite Kansai, Toshiyo Yamada, Ayako Hamada, Sugar Satoh &
Reiko Amano
Here
comes Big Aja again and yep, you guessed it she is pissed. Backfist
to Sugar Sato and she is out, another to Reiko Amano and she is
out. Here come the Miami Dolphin’s for a shot, oh wait it’s
Kansai and Yamada wearing American Football gear. This “buff”
duo actually get some offence in here on King Kong but everyone
jumps in and it’s all clipped up to fuck and I don’t
know what’s going on. I don’t even think there was a
winner?
Aja
Kong, Devil Masami, Toshie Uematsu, Mima Shimoda & Etsuko Mita
Vs Dynamite Kansai, Toshiyo Yamada, Ayako Hamada, Sugar Satoh &
Reiko Amano
The
rematch here, full and un-clipped 5 on 5 action baby!!!
I could try and do one of those boring, long-winded, play by play
reviews here but that would suck because you can’t call a
match like this and that shit blows anyway. This was action, think
Michi Pro, circa 96 all sexxxed up, drugged up and fucked up and
this what you get. (When I say M-Pro, I don’t mean in style,
but I mean in match quality involving a high number of wrestlers)
Anyhow, It ruled, Aja’s music rules, Amano’s hair rules,
It all fuggin’ rules.
Aja and Yamada do this cool shit, squaring up like bulls, butting
heads and I’m a sick bastard because I want to see these ladies
beat the living dog piss out of each other. The heels are great
in this match, everyone brings their “A” game and the
crowd brawling section is the shizzlenit. Anyway as you can tell
this was incredible and you all need this.
Chikayo
Nagashima & Ayako Hamada Vs Mayumi Ozaki & Kaoru
Oz and Kaoru to me are the living embodiment of all those foxy little,
rich bitches that I wanted to bang when I was in high school, all
peppy and giggly but pure unadulterated evil. I never stood a chance,
that’s life Jim, but not as we know it, not as we know it…there’s
cling-on’s on the starboard now, starboard now, all the doo
da day.
Anywayz, D-Fix bring that schtick here and even though Nagashima
is the proud new singles champion, Oz and Kaoru still find something
in her to laugh and bitch about. The match kicks of with the rudo’s
breaking out the all the deadly D-Fix tricks, the chain, the weird
little wooden squares and Policeman getting involved whenever she
can. All the good stuff.
Typical tag match style, with the heels bringing the beatdown and
the faces getting the “peppy” comeback spot now and
again. This is something Nagashima is great at, she has that zippy,
bubbly little firecracker act down and it’s awesome to watch;
she is the worker that Moemoe wishes she was.
Bunch of fun as Nagashima takes the duke with a lovely dragon suplex
after some miss communication by the heels.
Meiko
Satomura & Sonoko Kato Vs Sakura Hirota & Chigusa Nagayo
(10th Oct '97)
GAEA Playback time, where the wonderful people at GAEA give us a
blast from the past, helping people like me who only recently started
watching GAEA become a little better aquatinted with the past. Joined
in progress here and the startling thing for me was to see the awesome
potential Satomura had at this point in her career. She must have
only been about seventeen or eighteen here, yet she was the star
of the match, full of energy, always lively and really got me into
this. A fun little tag match and definitely worth your time.
Aja
Kong Vs Toshiyo Yamada
The fallout from the ten-man tag and this is the “Real in
Memphis” match, a total old school brawl with stiff shots
and fighting through the crowd. Reminiscent of Brody, Funk &
Hansen in All Japan, chairs and fences are being tossed at each
other, fans are scattering all over the arena and the ring announcers
are screaming some garbled shit down the mic.
Then the match takes a U-turn (Not in a bad way) as the ladies make
their way back to the ring and Yamada starts peppering Kong with
some stiff kicks while Aja counters with some of her heavyweight
power moves. Awesome finish comes when Aja picks up a fallen Yamada
and slaps her three times before delivering the spinning backfist.
Rather than taking the inevitable three count she pulls her up at
two and takes her to the corner and delivers a brutal top rope backdrop
to pick up the win. I love GAEA.
Aja
Kong & Devil Masami Vs Dynamite Kansai & Sugar Satoh
The great thing about this match wasn’t the actual wrestling,
which was as good as anything that went before, but it was the hatred
shown between Aja & Kansai. The sight of Aja staring straight
at Kansai while she brutally crossfaced Satoh is one of those awesome
mark-out moments that make you feel all warm and fuzzy inside.
Devil & Aja win the match after an Aja backfist to Kansai that
was as snug as it gets, enforcing the hatred between the two. Beautiful
booking and work by all parties involved. Did I tell you that I
love GAEA?
After
the break we get a clip of a very hot looking Manami Toyota arriving
in GAEA and seemingly aligning herself with Aja Kong as an in ring
brouhaha occurs.
This
was the Aja Kong show and as a true icon of all that is good and
true in pro wrestling once said – “That’s not
a bad thing, that’s a good thing.”
Additional
comments by Lee – “I think the most important thing
about #63 was that it was an intermediary show, a 'set up' show
first and foremost. GAEA really has this Mid South vibe and they
set up this show in like a Memphis episode where a heel (Aja here)
goes on the rampage throughout the show to set up something bigger
(Toyota)”
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Dueling
Reviewing Motherfuck!!! Its GAEA G-Panic #63 by Lee Flattery
I swear that Chigusa Nagayo has a bumper sized pinup poster of Bill
Dundee on her bedroom wall, an Austin Idol t-shirt and a coffee
mug with 'I LOVE JERRY LAWLER' painted on it. GAEA is so Memphis
with ovaries, you know it and I love it.
We start out with a brawl between KAORU/Ozaki and Aja/Meiko which
typically goes all over the building with Aja trying to throw clingypants
off the old balcony. They didn't actually do the hanging off the
balcony spot in the end, I think because it's the intellectual property
of Lioness Asuka and only the Zenjo scum Ito and Hotta are permitted
to plagiarise it. Anyway, they don't show much of this, the point
being that they wanted to show Aja's temper tantrum at the end.
I can't speak Japanese so fuck it for now.
All
of which brings us to a surreal angle with metal music playing in
the background as Aja gets all pissy on the mic before Sugar Sato
gets into the ring to be urakened senseless and pinned with one
foot. Carlos Amano jumps in and Ms Kong hits her with an unholy
clothesline, which Amano does the coolest Marty Jannetty rotate-in-mid-air
sell for before getting a uraken to mush herself. Dynamite Kansai
jumps in..........at this point I have to make comment regarding
Dynamite and Yamada's American Football gimmick - camp even by GAEA
standards and Dynamite Kansai in TIGHT YELLOW PANTS in 2002 = big
no no.....................I digress - Dynamite get's in Aja's face
and they start knocking the snot put of each other..........oh remember
the days when Aja and DK used to have the greatest fucking matches?
Their matches a pulsating plethora of brutality with each new turn
more enthralling than the last. These days they just hit each other
very hard.
Memphis!................all this malarkey sees Mima motherfucking
queen of sadistic bitches Shimoda jump up on the apron with the
grin of a Cheshire cat pleading 'Let me, let me beat the living
shit out of someone Aja.' So yeah, Shimoda gets in there on Kansai,
the lovely legs of Etsuko Mita followed her promptly.............long
story short, we end up with a big ten woman brawl all over the place.
When the brawl is broken up Aja gets back on the mic and starts
bollocking a bunch of people, which leads to
Aja/Uematsu/LCO/Devil
v Sugar/Amano/Kansai/Yamada/Hamada.
This is a hell of a ten-woman tag match; everyone had their own
niche role and played it well. Sugar Satoh – the chunky brawler,
Mita and Shimoda - cheapshotting bitches, Devil - bizzarro psychopath,
Aja – hefty woman in face paint with bad PMT, Dynamite and
Yamada - stiff as hell peroxide babyfaces, Uematsu - Devil's spikey
haired psycho in training and Hamada - fiery babyface trying to
accustom herself to the zany but beautiful world of GAEA. This starts
out in the ring with a bunch of good stuff from everyone involved.
Amano is so fucking fast and slick in the ring, it's great to see
her get a good bit of GAEA TV time here taking a good beating from
Aja along the way while sneaking in her clever little submission
spots.
I've missed Sugar Sato while she was injured (even though I did
say nasty things a few months back that I didn't really mean.....but
that's another story) and she stomps some serious keister here like
she'd never been away. Sugar's worked punches rule as well. Memphis!
Devil
Masami is a fucking babe, I don't care how old or chubby she gets,
Devil beating
people up with that evil grin will always turn me on. Easy. Isn't
lowering the tone Memphis too? I think so. Whoo-hoo!!!! Aja Kong
pins someone (can't remember who - watch the damn match and find
out yourself if you're so worried about it) by urakening them in
the head and face then starts going bananas at everyone in the ring,
including the Las Cachorras. The gist of it is the formation of
a new megabitch with PMT coalition with Devil Masami.........or
would that be menopausal?. Heels,
reeking havoc. Memphis! As if this show could get any better we
hit
Ozaki/KAORU
v Chikayo/Ayako................................ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh,
Oz has these fucking little shorts with flames on. I need not make
the heat analogy anymore obvious than it already is. Nagashima is
the champ now, in addition to being the best wrestler in the world
AND having the best entrance music in pro-wrestling. I loved this
match, but then I'm an idiot and I like everything in this promotion
unconditionally. The Dominatrix Express beat up Chikayo with bits
of tables and sticks and other cool stuff..........Oz and KAORU
as a heel tag team rule.
Sure,
it isn't 'prime' Ozaki but then Oz is one of the most intelligent
ever to step in the ring and knows how to reinvent herself as a
worker............................Chikayo makes the tag to Ayako
Hamada which was fun because Nagashima had a genuine looking expression
of distain on her face as she did. Interesting?
Boy, Ayako sure is piling on the pounds. Give her a year and she'll
have caught up to her sister Xananaachititititiaaca or whatever
she's called in the lardo stakes. I actually think that GAEA suits
Hamada stylistically as the booking and general philosophy gives
her more room to work with, plus she is in there with better wrestlers
which helps. Yeah - so we get a load more of D-Fix beating up on
Hamada and Chikayo which included a couple of nasty looking Excaliburs
from KAORU to Nagashima. Chikayo just looks the part throughout,
her frame so tiny yet she commands such a presence in the ring (similar
to Oz - learn from the master!) and her combinations of manoeuvres
and finishes that work without ever getting lost are without parallel.
Chikayo pins KAORU and there is more squabbling-a-brewing with half
the GAEA roster.
Onwards
- Aja v Yamada is next. In 1994 this would have been a
great match. They aren't as good now, but this is fucked up fun
anyway because they just slaughter each other all over the place.............Yamada
losing by getting squashed under the weight of Aja after failing
in a corner powerbomb attempt. Cool. More fussin' and a fuedin'
after the match - Aja all surly and old and nasty and female Tenryu.................................So,
anyway throughout the show we've developed this whole alliance between
Aja Kong and Devil Masami (with Uematsu tagging on) that seem -
Memphis – upon beating the fuggin shid out of the entire GAEA
sorority. Oh won't you give me Dynamite Kansai and Sugar freakin'
Sato v Aja and Devil won't you please? Sugar Sato's punches just
ROCK ROCK ROCK....................................her science is
better than all, stomp and be glad for it.
The faces fight back as the heels maraud........lovelifejoshi...........to
where? Oh yeah - who'da thunk? - Aja gets into it with DK and Yamada
on a house show and brings out MANAMI FUCKING TOYOTA. There is brawling.
Lots of brawling. What a - Memphis - cliffhanger.
And as Axl Rose said in 'Sweet Child O' Mine' - 'Where do we go
now?' I can't wait to see. You?
|
ALL
JAPAN WOMEN - 19/01/02 by Lee Flattery
Miho Wakizawa v Kayo Noumi
This
was Wakizawa's retirement match, or as dubbed ever so charmingly
by our Japanese friends 'Wacky Final Smile'. I'm not sure whether
or not it is tragic, beautiful or otherwise that wrestlers having
to retire from active competition at obscenely young ages is not
less than commonplace in the zany world of Joshi puroresu. To see
a young woman of, I would assume, twenty years of age retire without
really getting the full opportunity to develop and express her talents,
obviously does not carry the impact on the viewer that, for example,
Akira Hokuto's recent retirement would have, but it does carry an
impact nonetheless. To a degree at least.
The
major difference is the vast gap in the quality of work produced
in the respective careers of Hokuto and Wakizawa. Her final opponent
is in Kayo Noumi, fittingly enough the woman Wakizawa has produced
her most significant ring work with. There is undeniably a certain
poignancy in seeing Wacky and Kayo together in their tres mignon
little Injun outfits for one last time – the innocence, a
sheltered world unpenetrated by cowboys (men?), ripples of chastity,
virginity, friendship and heartbreak. There is definitely some pretty
strong imagery present here, how conscious it is I cannot state
for certain.
The
match itself is an interesting little paradox. On one hand it embellishes
many of the physical traits typical of the style that has traditionally
been the backbone of Zenjo throughout its glory years (Of Yokota,
of Crush Girls, of Toyota). 'Hyperworkrate', lots of rope-running,
matholds, suplexes and near-falls by the truckload.
It is the kind of post-rookie match that one could easily imagine
opening one of those AJW supercards back in the early-to-mid 1990's.
On the other hand we hit the fundamental flaw of present day Zenjo
- a lack of creativity, a lack of pizzazz and a lack of soul. What
I intend to mean I suppose is that while the match itself is technically
proficient and fairly well built............the wrestling is JUST
FUCKING FLAT! Zenjo is a flapjack.
This match in theory has the same fundamental flaws as Momoe-Maekawa;
unintelligent, cliched, repetitious and boring. The only difference
is that Momoe Nakanishi and Kumiko Maekawa are able to make their
moves look more impressive, which is a result of (what seems to
be) the Zenjo maxim that experience improves technique. The emphasis
is on technique.
This appears to be in contrast to the GAEA methodology. Look at
Nagashima, Sato, Kato, Uematsu and especially Satomura - they were
taught at a young age not merely the technical rudiments of wrestling
but also the importance of incorporating story, character, idiosyncrasy
and the subliminal into their matches. Maybe that is why some of
us feel that GAEA is that much more ALIVE than Zenjo.
As one may suspect, Noumi is given the win over the departing Wakizawa,
though the result seems peripheral to events on these occasions.
The retirement ceremony is predictably lachrymal yet decidedly subtle
in comparison to many other retirement ceremonies past. The flapjack
is less one raisin.
YUMIKO
HOTTA v KAORU ITO (Escape cage, hair v hair, fat-girl battle)
Fifteen-twenty minutes of this maybe I can tolerate, but fifty minutes
of this turgid mess of a match is really pushing the limits of my
patience. The basic predication of this bout was a repetitious blend
of blood, garbage spots and vaguely dechiperable kayfabed dislike
between opponents. This wasn't pretty - artistically or aesthetically.
At least their surreal walkabout last year had a fair deal of insanity
and originality to keep you interested for the best part of an hour,
whereas this was just a languid bore-fest.
Also, not that I'd usually dwell on points of selling, but Hotta
pooping up instantaneously and unscathed after falling from the
top of the cage and THEN being topropedoublefootstomped through
underneath the weight of a ladder is absurdly idiotic, even by pro-wrestling
standards. This sucked big time. Hotta is rubbish in 2002, as rubbish
as the haircut she receives at the end of this match (Can you say
'butch'?) and Ito as a big fat asspulverisor has been vastly overrated.
Aviod - actually, go watch Tully-Magnum again and see how cage matches
are meant to be done.
RUMI
KAZAMA and TAKAKO INOUE v TOMOKO 'Carry 'em all' WATANABE and NANAE
TAKAHASHI (2/3 falls)
This match is the side of AJW that interests me most and is a side
usually reserved for the sporadic visits from those spunky vagabondettes
Etsuko Mita and Mima Shimoda. But hey, the LCO aren't here, so the
suspiciously monickered Black Joker girls decide to take over where
Mita and Shimoda left off with the festively plump twosome of Watanabe
and Takahashi.
While this assstompathon isn't really up there with the September
2001 LCO-NanaTomo (titter) barnburner, it nevertheless retained
a pleasant sense of bloodthirsty bitchiness. They establish the
malicious intentions in the first fall - lot's of fists and fire
from Nanae and Tomoko, while the opposition put the boots in. All
nasty like. Takako is wrestling's queen bitch (apart from Oz and
Hokuto) and there is something drastically believable about her
laying in the violence - what with that disdainful glare, that fox-like
facial expression, that kinky looking black outfit with it's quasi-suspenders...................yowza!
Of course Tomoko Watanabe is the Benoit of Zenjo; she makes everything
look badass. Thus the counter asstomp is all the more effective
– even Nanae is fun with the screaming and the shouting and
the..........fatness. TakaWata take the first fall which REALLY
pisses off the BJ (guffaw!) contingent. Takako and Rumi decide to
take it the outside and we degenerate into a brawlalloverthebuilding,
which is good because they lay into each other. There are some some
cool brawling spots too. One where Nanae attempts to throw Takako
off the balcony, only for Takako to elope her way to the floor by
sliding down a curtain.
(Adopts
New York accent):
'Hey
Takako. I got something you can slide up and down on!'
The
other cool thing was Kazama and Eagle Sawai (Eagle is the other
Black Jokerian if you didn't know) taking turns in bouncing Watanabe's
head off of a wall mounted metal sign till her face was thoroughly
plasmatised, It's base, but it's fun. Takako/Rumi tie up the score
in this brawl-fall. There is more brawling afoot in the final fall,
though there is also a more wrestling based, near-fall thing going
on in the ring here. This gave a Tomoko a real chance to shine and
was mostly responsible for injecting a sense of drama into proceedings.
I'll say now that Tomoko unequivocally SMOKES Momoe, Ito and Maekawa
as a worker. Doubt it not. Eagle Sawai gets involved in the finish
and ToNaWaTa end up on the train to jobsville and they knock out
some angle, which leads to a rather funky Takako-Tomoko singles
match the next month. This match was fun. Very fun.
|
| OZ
Academy 06/07/02 by John Kennedy
OZ Academy -
the brainchild of the wonderful Mayumi Ozaki. Tonight is 7th Blood,
whatever the hell that means and my tape has this horrible audio
buzz on the top, but I’m not gonna let that shit get in the
way of my fun, so here goes.
Mayumi Ozaki Vs Kaori Nakayama
Apparently this is Nakayama’s retirement match and Oz sees
it fit to give the departing Kaori the majority of the offence in
her final farewell. Lot’s of running interference by the other
Academy girls and a nice finish that lead to the Oz victory kept
me interested, but in all honesty there wasn’t much else there.
The only thing really worthy of note here was the remarkable resemblance
between Nakayama and Sporty of the Spice Girls and I guess that
pretty much says it all.
Chigusa
Nagayo & Fang Suzuki Vs Sakura Hirota & The Bloody
Hirota comes out and cuts her requisite pre match promo and I blast
Gaora for not providing English subtitles as once again the crowd
and the other wrestlers are in hysterics.
Loads of crazy spots and comedy antics here that I couldn’t
even begin to describe, although most of them seemed to be based
around Hirota’s opponent’s rather rotund waistlines.
FAT?
This kind of stuff is definitely an acquired taste as it is a total
comedy-fest and it doesn’t even resemble a wrestling match.
I.E. – The smart marks will hate it.
Personally I love it and I hope that if you are reading this then
you will too and if you don’t well you suck.
Sugar
Sato Vs Etsuko Mita
I am not a fan of Sugar Sato and although I will say she has improved
lately, I still find her boring and her offence rather weak.
The “Big Daddy” belly bounce is pathetic and I felt
sorry here for Mita having to try and make it look credible as Sugar
resorted to it at least three times in the match.
This match actually started of quite brightly as both women worked
over each others legs and traded position in the figure four, but
unfortunately it didn’t last long before they went into “urgh”
territory and I started watching paint dry. Waste of time.
Carlos
Amano Vs Aja Kong
This was the match for me that made the tape worth buying as Aja
and Amano go all super BatBat, bringing the hyper amateur matwork
and the stiff shooto strikes for my viewing pleasure.
Kinda reminiscent of Vader’s matches in UWF-I, as we have
Carlos the smaller opponent using submissions and kicks to work
on the leg of the dominant monster that is Aja, who then retaliates
with stiff strikes and power moves.
Carlos really steps up her game here kicking, butting and pummelling
Aja, who really sells her ass off for her much smaller opponent
taking release German suplexes and all sorts of other whacked out
shit. Aja wins with a Uraken (Backfist) but both women looked really
good here. A must see.
Chikayo
Nagashima Vs Devil Masami
The human pinball that is Nagashima goes up against super carny
Devil Masami here and I for one am stoked. While Masami may not
be the bearer of all the great matches in the world, I for one don’t
find her too bad and well Nagashima is at this moment - simply awesome!
Straight away Nagashima shows that she has downed one to many expresso’s
beforehand, as they are brawling like motherfuckers and Nagashima
breaks out a Sabu style double jump foot stop off the stage on to
the prone Devil. Nasty stuff indeed.
Nagashima soon finds weakness in the Devil and she takes the pain
to her weakened arm by showing her versatility and going on a submission-based
attack. Devil tries to counter this with a vast array of power moves,
including a swank Lyger bomb and starts taking control feeding Nagashima
in for the occasional arm bar and hurricanrana to keep the match
bubbling over.
Devil eventually takes the win with a brutal lariat and I’m
quite surprised, as I was expecting Nagashima to take the win, but
I guess that’s the element of surprise that floats the wrestling
boat. Good solid match.
Mayumi
Ozaki & Mima Shimoda Vs KAORU & Takako Inoue
Even though they’re on opposing teams, this match was in typical
D-Fix fashion as all the regulation D-Fix gimmicks are on hand and
you know that even though they are friends, Oz and KAORU will beat
the sexy shit out of each other anyway.
This match actually had an awfully sluggish start, where both teams
just hit each other with stuff without any kind of vigour and I
was reminded sadly of ECW matches involving luminaries such as New
Jack and Sandman. Yuck
Not to worry though, as it eventually picked up with Shimoda hitting
an El Dandy level blade job and Oz breaking out a shining wizard
with a chain wrapped around her boot. Nice!!!
A total garbage brawl - if you don’t like that style then
you will hate this, but if you’re a sick fuck like me then
you will love it, after the first five minutes anyway.
|
ARSION
22/01/02 by Lee Flattery
RIE TAMADA v YU YAMAGATA
More
or less a squash for Tamada. Yamagata needs work and I know she
left ARSION after this, so I don't know what she's up to now. Yup.
LADY
PENTAGON/PIKA/RENA TAKASE v CHAPARITA ASARI/AI FUJITA/baby-A
The sort of throwaway thing you'd find on an M-Pro card these days.
Pretty unengaging stuff really. ASARI is made for these matches
so she looked to be the pick of the six. baby-A does this headscissors
where she rotates three hundred times on her opponent's shoulders.......but
I've seen that before. The six-woman the month before with Hyuga
involved was better.
RENA
TAKASE v noki-A
Good, well-paced work from Akino and Takase kept up fairly well,
inserting a flourish or two of her own. They duped me into thinking
it would be a straight squash but instead worked a more evenly fought
contest by utilising some good near falls. noki-A is a very underrated
worker and did a good job with her younger opponent here. Thumbs
up.
MARIKO
YOSHIDA v GAMI
Mariko Yoshida's pants are so tight that you can see EVERYTHING,
so it's a wonder that I managed to pay any attention to the actual
match at all. Luckily I did though. Yoshida is the one wrestler
that unequivocally melts into the ARSION style. She has the ability
to build an engrossing match through the use of WRESTLING holds
like no one else in the world today. What's more she can carry anyone
to a good match.
GAMI is a very talented wrestler as well, but has strayed into dubious
'comedy' territory as of late. They start with a touch of brawling,
which is relevant because Yoshida throws the sweetest frickin' punches
in wrestling. GAMI brings the thing down a peg by using the Roddy
Piper eye poke. Isn't a pre-requisite of comedy that it is supposed
to be funny? Anyway, back in the ring GAMI and Yoshida break out
a banquet of contorted matwork that oscillates back and forth in
a realistic manner. This builds to what I found to be a very good
finish - Yoshida hits the always cream worthy AIR RAID-UH CRASH-UH,
GAMI kicks out on two. In retaliation GAMI hits her own finish (which
also has a silly name that I can't remember) for a two of her own.
After which the two hit their feet for a semi-All Japan smashing
session before GAMI struggles her way into the twistiest of incomprehensible
submission holds for the win. A lot of fun and definitely worth
seeing if you're interested.
MICHIKO
OHMUKAI v LIONESS ASUKA
Ohmukai has neither the ability or the looks to be Takako Inoue,
but she seems intent on her chosen path anyway. In fact Ohmukai
is a pretty crappy wrestler, absolutely no verve, passion or dexterity
to speak of and a reliance on kicks and urakens, which remain her
strongest point. Plus she has no arse, but that's by the by. Ahem.
This match is the stock Lioness ARSION match and she does a good
job compensating for Ohmukai's uselessness. Asuka demonstrates her
great knowledge and experience by utilising a slow but sure mat
based strategy for the early part of the match. Of course, the match
HAD to have a 'brawling' portion, during which we get something
completely pointless and stupid, which often ruins Asuka's work.
Lioness sets up Ohmukai on a table under a
twenty foot (ish) flight of stairs and does a double footstomp off
the top of them to ABSOLUTELY NO FUCKING RESPONSE by the crowd.
Now, Lioness Asuka KNOWS that ARSION crowds are typically unresponsive
and KNEW that this would break up the flow of the match, but her
ego forced her to do it regardless. I dunno. This goes to a fifteen
minute draw in the end. It had it's moments, not all of them good.
AYAKO
HAMADA/FABY APACHE v MIMA SHIMODA/ETSUKO MITA
Not the greatest LCO match I've ever seen, but then again neither
was it the worst. It was also I believe Ayako's last match before
her gallop into GAEA. It is fitting then that the best performance
in the match came from.............Faby Apache. Faby was the glue
of this thing and entered a very solid, flowing display. Faby's
plancha-con-twistytwisty (look it up) is awesome too. Generally
though the match suffered from the aforementioned lack of heat that
ARSION is notorious for and which is essentially an extremely important
component of the LCO's talents - relation to an audience. It's hard
to do this when the crowd are 99% dead silent. Still, this is an
entertaining enough little diversion and worth a look.
|
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